SINS
by purefoysgirl
Summary: Continuation of The Beginning of the End: Tifa's pregnant with Cloud's baby but she's marrying Rude, Kadaj finds out and havoc ensues. But in fleeing to Yazoo he finds help from an unexpected source.Yes, there will be hardcore, no I won't be nice about it
1. Two Little Words

Just so you know, this is a contination of my story The Beginning of the End ( /s/4176816/1/TheBeginningoftheEnd ). So if you feel a little lost and confused, you may want to try reading that fic first, otherwise, be my guest to dive right in.

* * *

And everything seemed to be going so well.

'_It's yours…_'

The sentence echoed in his head, profound but so deceivingly short.

'_It's yours…_'

Cloud realized he'd briefly lost focus on the world, and turned his attention back to Tifa, who gazed at him with vast affection and no little sympathy.

"Tifa…" he softly said, at a loss for words. "Why…why didn't you tell me?"

Tifa shrugged her slim shoulders and zipped closed the last of her bags. Her room looked barren now, just the stripped bed and the empty bureau.

"It didn't seem important," she sighed, cocking her lovely head and giving him a sad smile. "Cloud, you never had any interest in being a father—as much as you love Denzel and Marlene, you never quite wanted what went along with that love. Please, don't be offended, but I'm making the best choice for the baby. Rude considers him to be his own, and Denzel is so much happier…"

She trailed off, her gaze pleading, begging him to understand.

"Don't you want us to finally be happy, Cloud? I don't want you to expect to be a father to our son—he already has one—but on the other hand I won't expect anything from you, either. Isn't that fair enough?"

Stunned with her revelation, Cloud went ahead and hefted her luggage when she made to lift it.

"Tifa," he said, and looked at her with those soft, glowing blue eyes that never failed to melt her heart. He looked like a scolded puppy, so uncertain and sad that Tifa felt the impulsive urge to hug him. "You decided this all on your own? You decided…it would be best for…for the baby if…"

He looked so pained, so shocked. Tifa ached for him, but she wouldn't change her mind. Rude was stability, love, all that was good and solid in a mad, mad world.

"…if I weren't in his life?" he finished, so hurt by her decision.

"Yes," she simply said. "Cloud, you had so much on your plate when I found out I was pregnant, and after my fight with Loz I wasn't sure that the baby would make it…How can we raise a child together when we don't even live together? When both of us love other people? How confusing would that be?"

Cloud ducked his head, more contrite than she'd seen him in a very long time.

"You'll be as welcome to him as everyone else, Cloud," Tifa gently said. "But no more than that. He'll never know that Rude isn't his father, and I'm sorry if that hurts you, but that is my decision."

"That you made without me," Cloud said, frustrated and angry and hurt.

Tifa felt unbidden tears well in her eyes and she gently stroked the now formidable bulge of her belly.

"I had to make it without you," she whispered, dropping her gaze to the floor. "You were never here for me when I needed you…"

She heard his quick, indrawn breath, could feel his slender body tighten with tension.

Before the confrontation could degenerate, a horn sounded outside.

"That's Rude," she said, and tried to take her bags from him, but Cloud stubbornly held on and insisted on carrying them downstairs.

"Cloud," she said, standing next to the car as he loaded her bags and closed the trunk. She gave him a quick hug and felt his hand rest lightly on the swell of her belly. "Don't be angry, please. I only want what's best—you have a child of your own to raise, and the last thing Kadaj needs is competition for your affections."

Cloud stayed silent, his beautiful, solemn face even more grave than usual. His hand lingered on her belly, but he finally nodded softly before pulling away and mounting his bike. With a long, unfathomable look, he pulled off into traffic and was gone.

"Is everything good?" Rude asked, helping her into the car with gentle, caring hands.

"Yeah," Tifa said, and wondered why it tasted of a lie. "Everything is fine."


	2. How Cloud Avoids an Uncomfortable Issue

A baby. A boy baby at that.

The idea of it thrilled him, but knowing he would never be able to raise the child as his own filled him with an aching, bitter sadness. Tifa had been correct; Cloud was comfortable enough with his own failings to admit that truth. He had all but abandoned her in the long, ugly struggle for self-acceptance and the release of his burdening guilt. He'd had no idea that she'd carried such a secret in silence—and when she had finally started to show? Well, she'd already been engaged to Rude for months by that time, and he—along with everyone else—had simply assumed it was the large, gruff Turk's child.

But he'd chanced to be at Seventh Heaven to listen to his messages when Tifa was moving out the last of her things. Never one to make easy talk, Cloud had simply helped her with her bags and inquired gently about the baby, and Tifa—her eyes suddenly fierce—had rounded on him with the defensive anger of a wounded animal, saying, "You _should_ wonder, Cloud Strife! It's _yours_."

And a world that had settled into comfortable tranquility had suddenly turned once more on its end.

'_You have a child of your own to raise, and the last thing Kadaj needs is competition for your affections._'

Cloud frowned, leaning low over the _Fenrir_ as the miles fell away behind him. She was right about that, too—Kadaj, as beloved and precious as he was, certainly was not the most stable of creatures, though he had flourished under Cloud's care. News of this might just shatter everything he had worked for, and the idea of causing his little lover pain was unconscionable. Hadn't he been through enough?

But a son, a child—something he had never dreamed of, never dared to think of. It just hadn't seemed plausible. Though Cloud had never made much of the difference between genders when it came to his lovers, he'd simply assumed that he would never father a child. Now he had a son and that son would be raised, cared for, and taught by someone else who—Tifa claimed—could love him more than Cloud could.

His beautiful face pulled into a deep scowl, offended by her rationale, though he couldn't deny how it might seem reasonable to her.

Deciding that he'd spent enough time away to cool his simmering temper, Cloud turned the bike back towards Edge and drove to the small loft he shared with Kadaj, his stomach tightening with dread when he saw the boy's bike parked in its usual spot.

How was he going to tell him?

_Should_ he even tell him?

What would be best for Kadaj?

And if he justified keeping this secret from him, how many others would follow?

He pushed open the door, frowning to see that Kadaj had forgotten to lock it again. He knew it was ridiculous to worry about the boy's safety—he was more dangerous than any thug in Edge—but wished that he would take more care not to leave himself open for attack.

The television was on, as were all of the lights, and a trail of shed clothing led to the shower, making Cloud smile softly with indulgent amusement. He gently pushed open the cracked door to the bathroom, steam rolling out around him.

His slender little "brother" was busily rinsing off, a rippling figure behind the opaque shower curtain. Cloud couldn't resist twitching it back enough to let the cold air in.

"Cloud!" Kadaj exclaimed, immediately yanking the curtain closed, his pretty baby face set with irritation. "It's fucking _cold_ out there, you shit!"

"You left the door open," Cloud said, pulling the shower curtain back again and holding it open this time to smirk at his naked lover, who hopped up and down beneath the warm water, hugging his arms to his well-defined chest at the chill. "_All_ of them."

Kadaj gave him a sheepish grin and cocked his head, deciding to deflect Cloud's scolding with enticement. He let the water run down over him, plastering his silver hair to his head and throat, and gave Cloud a sultry smile, looking at him from the tops of his eyes and saying, "If you're going to interrupt my shower, you may as well join me…"

Cloud definitely was tempted—Kadaj was everything that was alluring with his slender, muscled body and his almost girlishly round hips. He was still young enough to have the androgyny of youth that so often drew men to younger boys, and it was no different for Cloud, who loved him so well. Every curve and dip of his body was beloved, charted territory for his lover. There was no inch of him that Cloud had not explored with tongue and teeth and fingers, and still the boy was an alluring enigma of sensuality, able to seduce Cloud with the merest slow lowering of his heavy lashes or slight quirk of his full lips.

"You were gone a long time today," Kadaj purred, the pout on his lips just the natural set of his mouth, full and plump as it was. He shifted in the water, turning to offer the profile of his tiny waist and round bottom. He closed his eyes and ducked his face under the warm spray of water, yelping when Cloud slapped his rump hard, chuckling.

"Hurry up," was all he said, leaving Kadaj to finish.

Kadaj couldn't help smiling, finishing quickly—though if he had anything to say about it he'd end up back in the shower soon enough.

He dried off and dressed, glad to finally have his own clothes that actually fit his tall, slim frame. At a loss for anything to do, he'd taken up helping Cloud run deliveries and the tips he got more than allowed for him to purchase whatever his little heart desired, especially as Cloud refused to have him help pay their living expenses.

"What's the rush?" he asked, wandering out into the living room. Their loft was small but comfortable enough for the two of them.

Cloud didn't answer, being so naturally reticent anyway. He was sitting on the small couch but he clearly planned on staying home for awhile, having shed everything but his dark cargo jeans. He looked at Kadaj and the boy caught something strange flash in his eyes, an odd cross of worry and apprehension.

"Cloud?" he questioned, suddenly afraid. They'd been so happy for such a short amount of time—surely it was too good to be true. Kadaj had never had a joy that wasn't taken from him, which had twisted him to find joy in horrible things that wouldn't be taken away. He'd only just started to live his life the way that others did, and lived with the constant, aching fear that this would be as ephemeral as every other happiness he'd ever had.

Cloud got up and just gazed down at him, those blue eyes so large and deep, the lids slowly lowering and rising in that utterly seductive habit of his. He cupped Kadaj's cheek, his hand gentle.

"You know that you mean everything to me," he finally said, and Kadaj felt himself blush, pleased and flustered. "You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you…"

"I know," Kadaj softly answered, and the fear came back. Cloud was as reticent with voicing his love as he was with everything in his life, though he never failed to prove it with his actions and his thoughtfulness. But actually saying anything was out of character for him, and Kadaj felt desperately afraid. "I know that, Cloud…"

"Here," Cloud suddenly said, moving away from him to retrieve a wrapped package in the corner. "I went searching and found some things."

"Things?" Kadaj questioned, keenly aware that Cloud was avoiding something that bothered him. Cloud was a complex mystery at best but Kadaj was sharp as a blade and nearly had his enigmatic brother figured out.

Cloud pulled away the string that held the package closed and it fell open to reveal Kadaj's _souba_.

Gasping, the boy snatched it up, swinging its familiar weight in his left hand and smiling with relief.

"Oh, Cloud, how did you find it?" he questioned, twirling it easily.

"It was still _there_," Cloud said, the only way he would refer to the place that Kadaj had died in his arms. "I had a new sheath made for it."

At a loss for words to properly thank him, Kadaj settled on hugging him tightly, eyes still full of his beloved _souba_.

"Maybe we can get your bike fitted like the _Fenrir_," Cloud told him, hugging him back with unusual intensity, as if he were afraid that Kadaj would somehow slip away. "That way you don't have to wear it on your back."

Kadaj lightly tossed the blade onto the couch and turned his attention to Cloud, gazing up at his gorgeous, feline face and softly murmuring, "Is something wrong?"

A spasm passed across those smooth features, a slight narrowing of Cloud's eyes and a subtle tightening of his mouth giving Kadaj all the answer he needed.

"What is it?"

Cloud lowered his eyes, falling back into that solemn, withdrawn silence, shutting Kadaj out.

Irritated, Kadaj gave him a none-too-gentle punch to get his attention and repeated his question as a demand, "What _is_ it!"

Cloud flinched at the blow but when he lifted his eyes to meet Kadaj's sparkling jade ones, he merely smiled a little.

"Oh _no_ you don't!" Kadaj snapped, knowing precisely what his brother was thinking. The beast inside Cloud had a keen appetite for violence and considered any temperamental punches, pinches, and slaps from Kadaj as invitations. "Don't you _dare_ change the subject, you—"

Cloud snatched him up with a low, gruff growl and swallowed his protests with a hard, hot kiss that had Kadaj wriggling and fighting and unquestionably aroused despite how angry he was getting. But then, their lovemaking covered everything from unbelievably gentle and filling to absolute havoc-wreaking, face slapping, biting violence—all of it was amazing and all of it never failed to satisfy.

He broke away and skittered across the room, warily echoing Cloud when the man fell into a predatory crouch, his glittering blue eyes dancing with amusement and anticipation.

"Cloud, _seriously_!" Kadaj tried to reason, dashing the other direction when Cloud rounded the couch, trying to keep furniture in between him and his brother, whose beautiful face became even more beautiful as a slow, sexy grin spread over his perfect pink mouth.

"_Seriously_?" Cloud echoed, maneuvering him into an inescapable corner, merely laughing when Kadaj feinted and tried to slip into the kitchen. Cloud blocked him with one corded arm and Kadaj retreated to the hallway, huffing with mingled anger and frustration and the ever-present stir of desire.

"You aren't listening to me!" Kadaj snapped, opting for driving Cloud back with a punch as opposed to further retreat—behind him was the bedroom, and any discussion would end abruptly in the presence of a bed. "Whatever is bothering you—we need to talk about it!"

Reminding Cloud only brought forth a faint frown that quickly evaporated, and Kadaj yelped as he was ingloriously pounced on and brought to the carpeted floor beneath Cloud's lean, heavier body.

'_Oh why bother_,' he thought, returning Cloud's desperate, rough kisses and arching beneath his tautly balanced body. '_We can figure it out later…_'


	3. A Hard Way To Find Out

After what degenerated rapidly into a fist-fight, Kadaj got to be on top. It wasn't often that he won the dominance struggle with his brother, but his anger at Cloud for not communicating with him gave him an extra reserve of determination and he'd actually managed to pin the slightly larger man to get the position he liked best. Cloud, after all, was a master sadist and only rarely allowed Kadaj anything that pleased him _too_ much.

But even sweating and rocking on Cloud's full, stiff cock couldn't entirely drive out the unsettling feeling that everything was about to change. Even as he bucked and thrust beneath Kadaj's slender body, Cloud's eyes held a dread that the boy felt intensely.

"Tell me!" Kadaj hissed, seeing it again. A sudden flare of temper made him drop his weight fully onto Cloud's straining cock with force enough to make the man wince in mingled pain and pleasure, his hands tightening on Kadaj's slim hips.

And still, no answer.

Frustrated, Kadaj slapped him hard, and Cloud's mouth parted in that frightening, utterly predatory smile, his tongue sliding out to catch the drop of blood that spilled from the corner of his lips.

"Don't!" Kadaj snapped when one strong, delicate hand curved up against his throat, benign enough but still threatening, making his pulse rush. It was cruel sex this time, an outlet for aggressive irritation on Kadaj's part.

And still Cloud said nothing, his lean body working hard beneath Kadaj's, making the smaller boy whimper and writhe atop him. It felt so good—it _always_ felt so good, and it was hard for Kadaj to hold onto his irritation. He shuddered hard and let it go, sighing, "Ahhhh…just fuck me, Cloud…"

Magic words, every time. The man caught Kadaj's hips when he bounced up, pulling out of him, and moved gracefully off of the bed, flipping the boy over onto his belly and shoving him face-down in the sheets, standing next to the bed with his round bottom in the air and Cloud crowded close behind him.

Kadaj sighed, stretching his arms out behind his back in invitation. Cloud grasped his wrists in one strong hand, pinning them behind his back. He shoved into Kadaj, forcing him down against the bed so that his aching cock and balls were crushed against the edge of the firm but giving mattress.

The boy moaned blissfully, content to allow Cloud to be dominant, having made his point with his earlier victory. Every hard, deep thrust drove him roughly against the mattress and he writhed beneath Cloud's burning hot body, his arms pulled almost uncomfortably high, the man's free hand curled so tightly into his hip that Kadaj would show bruises, even as quickly as he healed.

Cloud groaned softly behind him, sliding his hand up from Kadaj's hip to tangle in his hair, pulling his head up to arch his back and hissing, "Scream for me…"

Those hips worked viciously into him, pounding him against the mattress so hard that Kadaj convulsed in a sudden, hard orgasm, screaming aloud as the pain and pleasure erupted from every nerve ending.

Cloud groaned a little behind him, hips jerking hard as he came, Kadaj's sweet screams enough to push him over into shuddering climax.

"Oh god," Kadaj sighed, liquid with it, every inch of him throbbing with the aftershocks of that hard eruption. His cock throbbed painfully, pounding against his belly. When Cloud released his hands, Kadaj gingerly levered himself up, only to gasp when Cloud bit him hard on the bottom, right on the softest part of his left cheek. A swift, hard slap followed, and Cloud's low, amused voice said, "Next time I'll make you work harder before I let you win."

"Let me win?" Kadaj echoed, flushing with sudden fury. "Why you arrogant son of a—"

Cloud's hand flattened at the small of his back, pinning him effectively, much to Cloud's amusement and his own chagrin.

The tension eased and the hand stroked down his back, lazily and lovingly, lifting goosebumps on Kadaj's skin.

"Hurting?" he inquired, peeling Kadaj off of the mattress and scooping him up. Cloud's strength always thrilled Kadaj, who was very nearly the same size as his brother but somehow lacked the same degree of his wiry, amazing strength.

Cloud plopped him down against the pillows, his blue eyes gentle now as he searched Kadaj's satiated and drowsy body.

Kadaj closed his eyes, merely smiling lazily at Cloud, but gasped softly in surprise when Cloud ran his warm, wet, careful tongue over his stinging cock. The friction from Cloud's thrusts had combined with the weave of the sheets to give Kadaj a slight but uncomfortable case of sheet-burn. The boy hissed at the sudden pain of Cloud's soothing tongue, but melted back against the pillows with a sigh as that gentle mouth laved him. He still healed quickly, and before he knew it he was having another muscle-grinding, screaming orgasm in Cloud's mouth.

"There," Cloud told him afterwards, sounding pleased. "That took the fight out of you."

Kadaj lifted one heavy lid and scowled at him, but couldn't quite bring the rest of himself to react.

It was the ringing telephone that eventually roused him, surprising him with the fact that he'd been sleeping.

"Cloud? Get that?" he called, but the telephone kept shrieking.

Groaning, he flung the sheets off, smiling with affection to know that Cloud had so tenderly tucked him in, and traipsed over to the house phone.

"'Lo?"

"Kadaj, hey, it's Tifa."

_Fuck_.

"Yes?" Kadaj said, trying to practice his manners.

"Is Cloud at home? I've been calling his cell but…well, you know how that goes," she said, clearly not happy to be talking to him.

"Not really," Kadaj said, smirking a little. "He _always_ answers when it's _me_."

There was a short silence from the other end, and then Tifa said, "I guess I deserved that. I'm assuming from your tone that he's told you, then?"

"Yes," Kadaj lied, and the dread hit an all-time peak—so, Cloud's secret had something to do with Tifa?

He heard Cloud come in, closing and locking the door, and his little hand tightened on the phone, his fear almost overwhelming him.

"I'm sorry, Kadaj," Tifa said, and sounded genuinely contrite. "It was just an accident. I want you to understand that this won't interfere with your life, okay? I fully respect your relationship with Cloud, I want you to know that."

"Thank you," Kadaj weakly said, trepidation filling him with tension.

"But I've been thinking it over and discussing it with Rude," Tifa went on. "And we've decided that we'd like you both to be a part of the baby's life."

"…okay," Kadaj said, thrown, not understanding what this had to do with his relationship with Cloud.

"After all, keeping a child from his father is…well, Cloud and I have a history, I just can't be so unkind to him," Tifa quietly said. "He has every right to be with his son."

Spots swam before Kadaj's eyes and for an unsettling second he thought he might either pass out or go into an enraged fit.

Cloud came down the hallway, his tread cat-light and steady.

"…so if you could just tell him—"

"Tell him yourself," Kadaj breathed, and shoved the phone at Cloud, not even waiting for him to catch it before he stormed around the room collecting his discarded clothing.

"Yes?" Cloud said, warily watching him dress. His beautiful face filled with resigned understanding when Tifa began to speak, though surely what she told him would make him glad.

Kadaj didn't listen to his conversation. He pulled on his cargo pants, jerked on a pair of socks and his boots, wriggled into his skinny tee-shirt, and snagged his leather jacket before going for the living room.

Cloud hastily got off of the phone, following him with wary concern.

"Kadaj…"

"What?" he asked, lifting the _souba_ off of the couch and sheathing it, strapping it to his back and adjusting it.

"We need to talk," Cloud said.

"You didn't feel like talking earlier," Kadaj pointed out, his trembling the only sign that he was not nearly as calm as he was pretending. "And I don't feel like talking now."

"It isn't like it seems," Cloud softly said.

Kadaj looked at him—really _looked_ at him. So beautiful, so achingly haunted that he haunted others in return. And Tifa, his friend since childhood, the one who had _always_ had Cloud. And now she had his baby to boot—one more thing she would have that Kadaj never could.

"Was it before you met me?" he asked, desperately needing Cloud to say yes, to prove that he hadn't gone from Kadaj to another lover, just as Sephiroth's cruel voice had made him believe.

Cloud's blue eyes glittered, shimmering in the drawing darkness, but Kadaj knew the answer from his solemn, beloved face.

"No," he whispered. "It was after…"

Kadaj gazed at him, torn between encompassing hurt and an outrageous anger that threatened to send him right back to being a destructive, vicious animal. Cloud had gone from him to Tifa, just as Sephiroth's voice had told him, '_He's already laughing, Kadaj, my little prince. He went straight to another lover's arms and erased the taste of you out of disgust…_'

"Then I guess there's nothing to talk about," he said, and headed for the door.

"You're not leaving," Cloud firmly said, grabbing his wrist in a hand like a vise.

Kadaj's look should've killed him in place, as vicious and cruel as it had ever been when Sephiroth's spirit rode him.

"Don't flatter yourself to think you can stop me," he hissed, wrenching his hand free.

"Kadaj, don't behave like this—"

He turned and punched Cloud, punched him as hard as he could, right in his delicate face. The man didn't even stagger, but his blue eyes narrowed dangerously with the beginnings of true anger, even as a thin thread of blood trickled down to his lip. He lifted his hand to his nose and wiped the blood away, looking at Kadaj with renewed wariness.

"Don't you _dare_ dictate to me how I will and will not behave," the boy furiously shouted. "How long have you known about this, Cloud? Were you _ever_ going to tell me? Or did you just want to play for awhile before setting up house with Tifa?"

"Kadaj—"

"Fucking forget it!" Kadaj spat, disgusted. "It doesn't fucking matter now, does it? What am _I_ compared to a son and the woman who can give him to you?"

"Please, Kadaj, it isn't like that—"

Kadaj wrenched open the door and slammed it behind him when he left. And even as he angrily stalked to his bike, his heart ached because Cloud didn't bother to come after him, didn't even bother to open the door. No, he probably had to get back to Tifa.

No wonder the woman had disliked him so much. With a trump card like _that_, she really should've won round one. Had Cloud known the whole time? Had he simply fallen into a relationship with Kadaj because he hadn't known what else to do with the boy when he'd come back?

Kadaj dashed away hurt, angry tears, ashamed and humiliated to think that Cloud had probably had every intention of being with Tifa until _he_ had come back and ruined everything. Just like with Mother, once again there was someone that would be loved more, who _deserved_ it more. Would no one _ever_ love Kadaj more than anything else in the world?

Furious and broken, the boy started his bike and tore away into the darkness, never knowing that Cloud's sad, glowing blue eyes watched him from their open doorway, aching with regret and stymied, as always, by his frustrating inability to express himself to the ones he loved.


	4. Safe Haven

He wound up at the one place he felt safe.

His furious pounding on the door was answered by Reno, wearing an unbuttoned shirt hanging off of one shoulder and a pair of loose black track pants with the drawstring undone.

His blue eyes narrowed when he saw Kadaj.

Instead of a courteous greeting, all he gave him was a displeased, irate, "_Brat_."

"Idiot," Kadaj hissed, and pushed past him into the foyer.

"Please come in," Reno wryly said, closing the door and locking it as Kadaj stalked into the apartment.

"Where's Yazoo?" he demanded.

"Bedroom," Reno answered, pausing to light a cigarette and pushing Kadaj to the side so he could pass into the living room.

"Reno, is that the baby?" Yazoo called, his voice muffled by the closed door.

"Yeah, the little kook is here, yo," Reno answered, slumping down at one end of the couch and propping his long, bare feet up on the coffee table, eyes fastened on the television.

"Don't call me that!" Kadaj snapped, moving to sit on the loveseat at an angle to the couch and fidgeting. "Why is he taking so long?"

Reno shrugged, not even glancing at him, his cigarette dangling from his lips.

Yazoo emerged moments later in a black silk robe, looking flushed and languid as usual, and so beautiful that Kadaj felt a sudden pang of nostalgia for the days when Yazoo was _his_ to hold and love.

Kadaj pulled a face and asked with disgust, "Don't you two do anything but fuck?"

"Sure we do," Reno answered, taking a deep drag off his smoke. "Unfortunately, sometimes we answer the goddamned door."

"Reno," Yazoo scolded, but his voice was full of affection and he lovingly caressed the man's face when he moved past him to sit on the couch, stepping gracefully over his outstretched legs. "What brings you over this way, _koishii_?"

"Tifa is having Cloud's baby!" Kadaj blurted, and saying it aloud somehow made his anguish solidify, his conflicting and confusing emotions battering his self-control.

"What?" Yazoo asked, bewildered, clearly not expecting such a revelation.

Reno smirked, and Kadaj saw it, anger replacing the pain as he furiously hissed, "You _knew_? You _asshole_!"

Months of patient work melted in the face of his overpowering fury and Kadaj grabbed the nearest item at hand—a crystal globe candleholder—and chucked it at Reno's head with deadly accuracy.

Yazoo lazily snatched it in mid-air, sighing as he gently placed it on the coffee table, while his fox-faced lover didn't even seem to notice Kadaj's temper tantrum.

Angrily lashing out at anything he could, Kadaj glared at Reno and said to his brother, "So, he's keeping things from you, Yazoo—how do you like _that_?"

Yazoo looked at him with a mixture of concern and puzzlement, simply saying, "Reno isn't keeping anything from me, _koishii_—he isn't at liberty to speak of things told to him in confidence."

"Kook," Reno called him, stubbing out his used-up smoke.

Kadaj held his temper in check with astounding self-control, which apparently was not lost on Yazoo, who drew his attention once more, asking, "Tifa's baby is Cloud's? I don't understand, Kadaj—Cloud has never seemed more than distantly friendly with her…how could this happen?"

"I don't know," Kadaj whispered, miserable all over again. He propped his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands, tugging at his hair. "But it happened after _me_…and now…now, he's—oh, Yazoo, how can I compete with _her_?"

Yazoo gazed at him sympathetically and softly said, "I'll get us some drinks."

"Guess he'll get you a double," Kadaj cruelly said, lifting his head and giving Reno a mean smirk, in the mood to hurt something. Reno's drinking had trickled to a near-stop, but Kadaj still remembered the wreck he'd been when Yazoo had first returned to him, and had always thought—sometimes aloud—that his brother could do _so_ much better. "And how _is_ the alcoholism coming, Reno?"

"I'm a lush and a letch, loony-bin," Reno told him, as unphased as usual by Kadaj's jibes. He turned his large, bright blue eyes to Kadaj and smirked at him, saying, "Beats being a goddamned fruitcake, yo!"

"_I'm not crazy_!" Kadaj snarled, wanting to hit him but valiantly resisting the impulse. "And how _dare_ you keep such a secret! You _knew_ this would upset me!"

"Yeah, and I didn't tell you because I knew you'd act like a goddamned basket case," Reno pointedly said. "Like _so_."

"Honestly!" Yazoo called from the kitchen, trying to still their bickering.

Reno just grinned and started watching the television again.

"How can he even let you touch him?" Kadaj wondered, grimacing. Even he would admit that Reno had his charms—he was tall and slender and very well built, easy going and funny with a mischievous sense of humor, and he had a slim, expressive face all sharp angles and crooked grins that gave him a rakish beauty. But he was, to Kadaj's eyes, uncouth, rude, and ridiculously annoying. He was, in fact, the exact opposite of his reserved, self-contained, and somewhat priestly brother.

"He seems to like it," Reno said, shrugging. "Maybe he's a bit of a kook, too, yo."

"_Neither one of us is _crazy!" Kadaj hissed, seething. "You…you…_idiot_!"

"Really, I can't leave you two alone for five minutes," Yazoo sighed, his low voice a pleasant, tension-dispelling purr. He swept back from the kitchen with three drinks in hand, giving Kadaj his first before handing the second to Reno. "Now, Kadaj, just what do you plan on doing?"

"I don't know, but I can't go home," Kadaj said, gulping his drink despite the burn of the alcohol in his mouth and throat. He took a ragged, gasping breath and said, "I don't want to deal with Cloud right now, not until I get myself figured out."

"Well, you can stay as long as you like," Yazoo told him, not missing Reno's slight scowl. "I'm leaving in the morning to go on a job—might take a week or so, but you can stay if you're comfortable. I know you and Reno don't get on very well but I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Can you believe this?" Kadaj asked, once again shocked by the idea that Cloud had slept with Tifa and—even more of a traitorous act—gotten her pregnant. "Can you _believe_ he did that?"

Yazoo sipped his drink and gestured helplessly with his free hand, saying, "Kadaj, Cloud is a grown man and has reasons for whatever his decisions are. Are you sure that he slept with her after he was with you?"

"Yes, of _course_ I know, he told me so!" Kadaj snapped, Yazoo's placid calm making him more upset. "How is this not a big deal to anyone but me?"

"Because you're a _nutjob_," Reno breathed, knocking back his drink and lighting another cigarette.

"I will _not_ be called a lunatic by a manwhore _pervert_!" Kadaj informed him. He'd had about all he was going to take of Reno's comments, his little fists clenching to fight.

"That's Head Pervert to you, weirdo," Reno mildly said. "And Cloud's business is his own—don't get involved in something that has nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with me?" Kadaj demanded, and heard Yazoo sigh at the rising hysteria in his voice. "_Nothing to do with me_—"

"_Koishii_," Yazoo sharply said, distracting him again. "You need some time to think. You can have the couch as long as you need it, alright? Now, figure out what's bothering you and—"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a child!" Kadaj exploded, wanting to cry and fight all at once, he was so torn.

"How 'bout don't talk to your brother like that, you little fruitcake," Reno snapped, glaring at him.

"You think _I'm_ the fruitcake, do you?" Kadaj hissed, well and truly pissed. It had been a very long time since he'd been so spiteful, but his security had evaporated along with Cloud's stabilizing presence, leaving him fearful and defensive. "Your darling Yazoo used to _fuck_ me, you know—what do you think about that? Who's the crazy one _now_?"

Reno smirked at him and said, "Yeah, yeah, you incestuous little kook…"

"Kadaj," Yazoo sighed, sounding weary but not particularly worried. "Reno knows all about that, we don't keep things from one another."

Surprised that Reno had been told such a thing and not reacted badly, a contrite Kadaj softly said, "Forgive me, Yazoo—I didn't mean to try to hurt you, I'm just so…"

"It's fine," Yazoo soothed, the only other person in the world as patient with him as Cloud was.

"Aw, that's sweet. Why don't you kiss and make up?" Reno suggested, grinning.

Yazoo shot him a withering look but the grin only widened.

"You really are a pervert," Kadaj breathed, appalled by him and yet he found himself startled into amusement, a welcomed relief from his misery. "We're not kissing just to give you masturbation material."

"Perish the thought," Reno snickered, and winked at Yazoo, who laughed softly and collected their cups for refills, pausing on his way to the kitchen to whisper something in Reno's ear that made his fox-like grin widen even more.

"How long are you staying, brat?" Reno asked, still watching the television. Kadaj ungenerously thought that not only was Reno impolite, he was also rather ignorant to be so involved in such asinine programs.

"I don't know," Kadaj answered, scowling at him, his amusement evaporating. "Don't worry, I won't be underfoot."

"You'd better not do anything crazy while you're here, nutjob," Reno warned him. "I'm not getting thrown out of my apartment because you're a loony."

Kadaj made a disgusted sound and refused to acknowledge his comment with a proper response.

"Is your bag on your bike, Kadaj?" Yazoo asked, returning with more drinks for each of them.

Kadaj took his and gulped it down greedily, desperate to feel the warm numbness that the strong, pleasant alcohol brought. He shook his head, realizing with dawning dismay that he'd brought nothing with him but the clothes on his back.

"I left everything," he said, upset. "Yazoo, please will you go? I can't go back, I can't face him—I was shouting and…please?"

Yazoo frowned softly and shook his head, his expression sympathetic but unmoved.

"No, _koishii_, I like Cloud, I'm not going over there for _this_," he told him. "The two of you need to work out your problems like adults."

"But, Yazoo—"

"Ask Reno," Yazoo suggested, ending the subject as far as he was concerned.

"Absolutely not," the man flatly said, and for the first time he looked anything but amused.

Kadaj shot a pleading look at Yazoo, who merely shrugged and smiled a little as if saying, 'Be my guest.'

"_Please_, Reno?" Kadaj begged, pulling out all of the stops, even going so far as to fold his hands angelically over his heart. Unfortunately, he wouldn't stop staring at the damned television, and Yazoo just kept smirking, amused.

Kadaj opted for a more direct attack and put his glass down, scooting across the carpet on hands and knees to rear up between Reno and the stupid idiot-box.

"Please?" he asked, everything that was sweet and innocent, even going for the lash-bat.

"Though I wish I could, I can't see through you, fruitcake," Reno informed him, pushing him aside.

Yazoo stifled a laugh, amused at his lover's growing irritation. Kadaj, never one to take anything lying down, redoubled his efforts—which was aggravating considering that he and Reno were barely civil to one another.

"Please?" he asked, flinging his arms around Reno's narrow hips and ducking his head against the man's flat belly. "I'll be your friend forever!"

"Yazoo," Reno said, his voice holding a hint of warning. "Your brother is being a goddamned head case, yo."

"Kadaj," Yazoo said, laughter floating in his low, pleasant voice. "Stop pestering Reno."

"Please go get me some clothes? Please?" Kadaj asked, lifting his face to look up at Reno, annoyed that he was still watching the television. Wasn't he the Head Pervert? Wasn't this the Reno that Kadaj had heard so many amused, gossipy tales about? What _precisely_ was wrong with this picture when Kadaj put his head in a pervert's lap and got no reaction at all? It irked Kadaj, who simply wasn't used to anyone not being immediately seduced by him. Changing his tone and his body language to utterly inviting, he purred, "Or do you _want_ me roaming around your apartment _naked_?"

Yazoo chuckled, one graceful hand lifting to cover his perfect mouth, his amused jade eyes flicking from Reno to Kadaj.

"Good point," Reno sighed, and gave him another absent push to get Kadaj unwound from his waist. "I'll go get your clothes, you goddamned whacko."

"Thank you, Reno," Yazoo said, and leaned over to kiss his lean cheek.

Kadaj sat back on his heels, scowling. One second the man couldn't yank himself out of television-insanity, but a second later responded to Yazoo with complete absorption, tilting his narrow fox-face to receive the kiss and then turning his head to get one full on the lips. Kadaj was simply not used to being passed over, despite that Reno and Yazoo had an extremely tight relationship and that he himself wanted only Cloud. Still, he was a self-doubting, unsure, and unsettled sixteen year old boy who had just been informed that there was shortly to be a baby to take his place—he was owed a little jealousy at his brother's happiness, and it _was_ jealousy he was feeling, and an aching need to see Cloud again.

"Gross!" he snapped, shoving himself to his feet and retreating back to the loveseat, folding his long legs up and hugging his knees while the pair kissed like he wasn't even there. "Hello? Hey, if you two are going to do it will you go in your room, please?"

Yazoo sighed and pulled away, leaving Reno scowling. His narrowed blue eyes landed on Kadaj, who gave him a triumphant smirk, and he lowly said, "Cloud should beat you more, yo."

Kadaj flashed him a sultry smirk and purred, "What makes you think he _doesn't_ beat me?"

"Fuckin' pervy weirdo," Reno snorted, polishing off what remained of his cigarette and blowing smoke from his nostrils.

"Look who's talking!" Kadaj snapped, aggravated when Reno zoned back into the television.

"Can you two stop it for even _one_ minute?" Yazoo sighed, touching his forehead as if their bickering gave him a headache. "I have to pack. Come help me, _koishii_."

Reno absently slid his hand along Yazoo's flank as he passed, and Kadaj felt a sudden pang for Cloud, missing that easy intimacy…But had they ever even had it? He hadn't really spent much time with his brother since he'd moved in with Reno, and Yazoo guarded his privacy as jealously as Kadaj had ever guarded his possessions. Perhaps Yazoo and Reno's relationship held an element that his and Cloud's did not, and _that_ was why his beautiful, wonderful older brother had gone and slept with someone else. And still, deep in the darkest, most frightened part of his heart, Kadaj heard the echo of Sephiroth's words, '_He's already laughing, Kadaj, my little prince. He went straight to another lover's arms and erased the taste of you out of disgust…_'

"Stop staring at me, weirdo," Reno told him, startling Kadaj out of his thoughts.

Kadaj flushed, embarrassed and annoyed, though Reno had only been a focal point for his inner thoughts and he hadn't actually been _looking_ at the man.

"Come on, _koishii_,' Yazoo gently urged, and hugged him close.

"Don't get up to any squirrely shit in there, yo!" Reno called. "There's no incestuous pedophilia going on in this house!"

Kadaj sputtered in offense, but Yazoo just rolled his eyes, smiling, and sighed, "_Honestly_…"


	5. Reno Tries His Best

'_Fucking nutter_,' Reno thought, approaching the door to Cloud and Kadaj's loft. Surprisingly, the door was standing ajar, and Reno cautiously nudged it open, peering inside to see Cloud's bright blue eyes glowing in the darkness.

"What it is, yo?" he called, letting himself in, flipping on lights as he went because the darkness unsettled him.

Cloud squinted in the sudden light, his Siamese-cat face as blank as ever.

"Door was open," he said, idly scratching his temple and waiting for Cloud to say something, _anything_.

"Kadaj always forgets his key," Cloud murmured, gesturing to a single key lying discarded on the table before him. "Why are you here?"

"Yeah, well, Kadaj wanted me to come get some of his things, yo," Reno said, trying to make light of it.

Cloud's eyes closed in a deep, long look of grief.

"You really shoulda taken a different angle," Reno offered, plopping down on the couch next to him. "He was even more nutty than usual."

"He's not crazy," Cloud softly defended. "He's just in pain."

"Excuses, excuses—you and Yazoo should open up a fanclub, it'd be great for the fruitcake's self-esteem, yo," Reno told him, plucking up the key and putting it in his pocket.

"So he's…he's staying with you?" Cloud asked, those big eyes fluttering back open.

Reno shrugged as if it were inconsequential, saying, "Yeah, he's talking to Yazoo right now, unloading a bit, I guess. He's takin' it real hard, yo. I know he looks and acts like a goddamned rockstar, but he's just a kid, Cloud—he needs you. Why don't you go over to the apartment and talk to him, yo? He'd prolly come back if you asked him."

Cloud shook his head, brow furrowed with thought, and slowly said, "No…no, he needs his space. I pushed him for too much too soon, I…I should let him live a little. He's never known anything except what I've shown him…maybe he'll be happier."

"Yeah, well, _I_ won't be," Reno shortly said, frowning. "You gotta come get that kook outta my house, yo! You're pretty big on the guilt-trips, Cloud, but don't try to unload the kid while pretending it's all for _his_ good—that just ain't like you."

Cloud's head whipped around and he scowled at Reno, who shrugged again and leaned back on the couch, unworried.

"I'm not trying to unload him, Reno," Cloud tightly said. "But maybe it wasn't fair of me to drag him into this situation—"

Reno rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, whatever, man. If you love somebody, you hang onto 'em, yo, you don't go tossing them off because they're bananas."

He pushed himself to his feet, leaving Cloud unsettled and brooding, and went to their bedroom without asking permission. It was easy enough to distinguish Kadaj's clothing from Cloud's—the boy tended towards more outrageous, attention-catching clothing compared to Cloud's rather somber, understated wardrobe. He snagged a duffel bag from the bottom of their closet and started stuffing clothes and shoes into it, skipping the underwear as numerous views of the kid's dimpled backside had shown him that Kadaj didn't really believe in the stuff. No problem, underwear wasn't really anything that existed in Reno's apartment anyway, Kadaj would fit right in. But on second thought he stuffed in a couple of boy-short style pairs that simply didn't seem Cloud's lane—Yazoo liked to sleep in such things, he figured Kadaj wouldn't mind having a few pairs.

He zipped up the duffel and plopped down on the tangled mess of their bed, lighting a cigarette and smoking in thoughtful silence.

He really didn't like Kadaj, but he tolerated him for Yazoo's sake. Still, it was hard not to feel bad for the little fucked-up shithead—Cloud certainly had a way of fucking him over, and he _was_ just a child, for all of his foul-mouthed and jaded ways. All he needed was to grow up a bit, and some of _that_ wouldn't hurt Cloud, either. Losing Yazoo had taught Reno all the lessons he needed in safeguarding something he loved, and it faintly annoyed him that Cloud could be so determined to fuck up his relationship with Kadaj, especially after having faced condemnation and scandal over it.

"Stupid, yo," he breathed, tossing the duffel over his shoulder and heading out.

Cloud sat where he left him, deep in troubled thought.

Reno paused for a moment, sighing in aggravation.

"Hey," he said. "At least _call_ him, yo!"

Cloud didn't so much as twitch.

Shaking his shaggy head, Reno left the apartment and locked it up with Kadaj's key, wondering just what in the fuck Cloud was going to do to unfuck this little situation.


	6. Not A Habit

Sorry if I get this wrong, it's hell trying to remember what it's like to be a sixteen year old in love! Poor little Kadaj, gotta love him.

* * *

God, they just never gave it a rest.

Kadaj groaned and pulled the pillow down tighter over his head, annoyed and jealous and lonely as those faint, unmistakable noises came from his brother's bedroom. Yazoo's low, purring voice, Reno's own cocky lilt, their mingled laughter that was low and conscious of his presence in the living room but still sometimes overflowed to sharp, quickly hushed levels followed by Yazoo's low chuckles. He'd hoped they'd quite down after that but the creaking bed and subsequent noises disabused him of that notion—they'd now progressed to the point where Kadaj was a distant memory and silence was not something likely to take precedence.

Despondent, Kadaj flung his hand out for his phone and checked it again, feeling a rush of lonely despair…This whole time, all night, and Cloud never once bothered to call him.

Trembling with sudden nerves, Kadaj flipped the phone open and dialed the house. The phone rang incessantly, but no soft, low voice answered. Where could he be? Was he with…with _her_?

The boy drew a shaky breath and tucked more tightly under his pillow, annoyed that Reno had such staying power and wishing they were done with it already. Biting his lip, he dialed Cloud's cell phone, holding his breath for the anticipated answer…

But for once Cloud didn't answer when Kadaj called him, and the boy melted into heartsick tears.

Finally, silence reigned in the household and Kadaj lay awake on the couch, his overactive imagination playing a happy reunion scene of Cloud with Tifa, he and Rude as discarded, jilted others, forgotten and unwanted. Moaning at the terrible unfairness of it, Kadaj sat up and wiped at his tears, needing comfort more than anything and missing Cloud like a piece of his own body. He got up off of the couch, shivering a little at the cool air even though he was wearing one of Reno's baseball jerseys and a pair of sweatpants because the man had only packed him underwear to sleep in.

The door to their room was opened slightly, explaining why their energetic exertions had been so noisy, and Kadaj could see Yazoo curled up on the near side of the bed, Reno's arm across his bare waist and both of them fast asleep.

"Yazoo," he whispered, fresh tears starting. How many times in his life had he found comfort from his big brother? Things had changed so much since they'd come back, and Kadaj felt lessened, weaker, less in control of the things around him and more a child than ever. "Yazoo…"

He crept into their room and sat down on the bed next to his brother, who woke and blearily said, "Kadaj…are you okay, _koishii_? What is it?"

Kadaj put his head down next to Yazoo's and sobbed softly, feeling his brother sit up and gently stroke his back.

Reno grunted moodily when Yazoo moved, his sleepy voice inquiring, "He doesn't have a knife, does he?"

Kadaj sobbed harder at this unkind comment, feeling unfairly put upon, and Yazoo gently scolded, "Reno, please…"

There was no contrition in the grumbled response, he just rolled over onto his side away from them, pulling the sheets.

"Kadaj, will you just talk to him, _koishii_?" Yazoo gently whispered, pulling the boy into his embrace and rocking him.

"I tried to call him," Kadaj moaned, his voice thick. "He won't answer the phone. He…he's probably with _her_…"

"For Christ's sake," Reno growled, and rolled out of the bed, Yazoo watching him with a concern that bordered on panic when he trudged out of the room.

"I'm sorry, Yazoo," Kadaj sobbed, feeling awful for having driven Reno from his own bed.

"Hush, _koishii_, it's alright," Yazoo soothed, sounding rather uncertain of himself, but his faith was not misplaced—a moment later Reno returned from the living room with Kadaj's pillow.

He thrust it at Kadaj, who snuffled and looked up at him with confusion while Yazoo gazed up at him with open adoration and breathless gratitude for his understanding.

"This is not a habit," the man pointedly said, shaking the pillow to emphasize each word, his blue eyes narrowed with annoyance. "Understand, brat? _Not a habit_."

Kadaj nodded weakly and took the pillow, trying to still his weeping.

Reno sighed and got back into bed, crawling past both of them to his side of the bed. "And you don't get to sleep in the middle, yo."

"Come on, get some sleep," Yazoo murmured, arranging Kadaj's pillow next to his own and pulling the baby beneath the covers.

Kadaj laid down, cuddling against Yazoo's back.

Yazoo gave him a soothing pat and draped himself over Reno, who had flopped down on his belly. He said something in a voice too low to hear, and Reno grunted an answer, sighing a little and then chuckling with his usual good humor at something else Yazoo said.

Kadaj watched Yazoo idly stroking Reno's slender back, pulling that red ponytail through his fingers, and closed his eyes, missing Cloud so badly that it was like an empty chasm within him. But Yazoo was safe and comfortable, the scent of his skin soothing. Their bed smelled of warmth, of Yazoo's sweet cologne and Reno's spicy scent and not unpleasantly of sex and use. Comforting scents, warm scents that soothed Kadaj and let him finally fall asleep.


	7. What's Best For Kadaj

Cloud gazed meditatively at his cell phone, seeing Kadaj's number flashing with every vibration of the slender, compact phone. He wanted to answer it, but he didn't. He didn't because he honestly felt that Kadaj deserved better than this situation, and if anyone could take good care of him it would be his brother.

The familiar guilt he had slipped so many months ago came lapping gently at the edges of his awareness. He'd always been sensitive to the fact that Kadaj was just a child and had always tried to treat him with caution—now he wondered if he'd been blinded by his selfish love, greedily keeping the boy at his side when what he really needed was some experience in the world around him. Had he really been doing what was best for his little lover? Or had he simply been sweeping everything away in order to keep him trapped?

Cloud sighed, tossing the phone onto the floor and flopping back down on the couch. He couldn't sleep without Kadaj curled up around him. The kid was like a large, affectionate cat—snuggling close and purring with joy just to be near him, and Cloud felt cold without him. That was why he couldn't go to their bed—it was still mussed from their earlier play.

He'd shut off all of the lights after Reno had gone, desperately wanting to take the man's off-hand advice and call Kadaj. Now he lay wide-eyed in the dark, wondering if he was making the right decision.

He convinced himself that Kadaj had run because he was hurt and needed some breathing room. Cloud had always had trouble understanding the motives and needs of others, though he tried his best to do what was right. In this instance, he had to believe that Kadaj wanted space and would _not_ appreciate Cloud pushing himself on him. And, really, wasn't it better for the boy to be away from this situation? It wasn't really fair of Cloud to make thef kid accept what was happening—a lover with a son, a son whose mother would always be present, a constant reminder of Cloud's mistaken and desperate attempt to heal Tifa's wounded pride and emotions. Could he ask such a thing of Kadaj? Could he simply give the boy such an ultimatum—you can have me, but you get my former one-night-stand and my child as well?

But Kadaj didn't know it was a one-time deal, did he? Cloud hadn't explained, and the boy would, naturally, assume the worst. If he knew how bad "the worst" was, perhaps he would've answered the phone when Kadaj called, or given into the urge to call Kadaj himself.

And he had yet to decide what to do about Tifa and the baby. That she'd deigned to allow him to be a part of the boy's life relieved Cloud to no end, but gave rise to another problem—how exactly to be a part of the kid's life without making an already confusing situation worse. She wasn't due for a few more months, but that was precious little time to plan what he would do. And still, Kadaj…How to have both of them? How to love them both without sacrificing one for the other? Maybe it would be best if Kadaj didn't come back. As much as Cloud loved him, as miserable as he would be without him, as dark and empty as his life would become, it was bearable so long as his precious little lover was happy and not taking second place to someone else. It simply wasn't fair to Kadaj to expect him to gracefully take the back burner.

'_I have to do what's best for him_,' Cloud miserably thought, draping one corded forearm over his glowing blue eyes and closing them in resignation. '_I've been selfish with him long enough…_'

But he left the door unlocked all the same, torn between wanting Kadaj to stay away, and wishing he would come back home.


	8. Waking Up

Kadaj only half woke when he heard Reno's low voice in the darkness. Blinking blearily, he lifted his head and saw Yazoo, silently admiring what a striking figure he cut. He was dressed for his job as a mercenary, his tall and lithely muscled body shown to every advantage by the tight black leather pants, knee-high lace-up boots, and fully buttoned double-breasted leather jacket he wore. The jacket Kadaj liked especially, knowing his brother had an eye for understated tastefulness, and its nipped waist only emphasized Yazoo's shapely body, the back of it gathered to fall in a spill of long leather down to his ankles. His silver hair was drawn back into a braid, giving a severe cast to his patrician features. A gun was strapped to either thigh, ammo belts criss-crossing over either hip. He looked dangerous and sensual and utterly cold, but the image was countered by his sexy smirk as he worked his hands into his black gloves and answered his half-dressed, fox-faced, and scowling lover, "I have no doubt you can handle it, Reno."

Reno crossed his arms over his well-defined chest and rocked back on his heels, lowly telling him, "I'm not daddy material, yo."

Yazoo laughed that throaty, purring laugh and impulsively touched Reno's tattooed cheek, trailing his gloved fingers down the man's slender throat and shoulder, which brought an altogether different fire into Reno's bright blue eyes and slapped a crooked, teasing grin onto his lean face.

Seeing them together Kadaj was once again struck that they were in love—both of them were masculine and handsome and charismatic in their own ways and had no trouble finding women to share their time with. One of them was a vehement and dedicated womanizer and the other was a reticent and rather cold enigma—and yet somehow they had something so much stronger and deeper than Kadaj felt he had with Cloud…Of course, Reno didn't treat Yazoo like a child, and Yazoo didn't treat Reno like he was a paragon of manhood, so maybe that had something to do with it…

Seeing that his brother was leaving, Kadaj called his name, those jade eyes turning on him with only an echo of Yazoo's former bored reserve—Reno had changed his brother in subtle ways that made him less guarded against Kadaj, less wary and far more loving.

"Be careful," Kadaj told him.

"Of course, _koishii_," Yazoo murmured, giving him a fond smile. "Go back to sleep."

Kadaj yawned and sank back into the pillows, not waking again until much later.

When he did it was a little disorienting to find himself in a bed not his own next a man who was not Cloud in a room full of light that was clearly not his bedroom. Yawning, Kadaj rubbed at his eyes and stretched, rolling onto his side and feeling yesterday's hurt and anger throb dully inside him. He didn't want to get out of the warm bed, didn't want to think about what had happened. He desperately wanted to check his phone to see if Cloud had called him, but he knew better than to hope he had and the thought only depressed him more.

He idly looked at Reno's bared back, noting those odd stripes tattooed on his skin like stripes on a tiger. They were the same color as the weird marks on his cheeks, and Kadaj curiously wondered if they actually _were_ tattoos or some other kind of mark he'd never run across before. Impulsively, he traced one with his fingertip, and felt the slightly raised skin that confirmed the marks had been tattooed onto him.

"Knock it off, weirdo," Reno grumpily said, shifting onto his belly away from Kadaj's inquisitive finger.

"Sorry," Kadaj said, still new to the idea of regret and not truly feeling any over his innocent touch—however, Cloud had hammered home the idea of politeness, and Kadaj was doing his best. "When did you get those tattoos?"

When Reno didn't answer him, he bounded out of bed, spitefully yanking the covers off of the man's prone body.

"Goddamned brat," Reno grunted, and got out of bed himself, rubbing at his face. "Go make breakfast, yo."

"No," Kadaj nastily said, and flounced into the livingroom to retrieve his phone. Even being prepared to see no missed calls wasn't sufficient to keep the sick, dark despair from welling up. He flopped down onto the couch amidst his discarded blankets and sadly wiped at the screen of his phone, fighting tears.

"Sheesh, stop moping, yo," Reno told him, sauntering out of the bedroom and scratching at his sleep-tousled hair. He went to the kitchen and started the coffee-pot, yawning widely. "You and Cloud are two of the moodiest bitches I've ever met."

Kadaj scowled at him, swiping angrily at his eyes before Reno could see his threatening tears. He _really_ didn't like his brother's lover, but at least he didn't have to pretend that he _did_ like him.

"Don't you have to be at work?" Kadaj hissed. "Or are you just planning on leeching off of my brother?"

"That's your job, nutcase," Reno countered, pouring himself a mug of coffee. He paused in the kitchen and lit a cigarette, sighing in bliss. "I got a few days off—you think Yazoo would let you stay here alone, yo?"

Kadaj flushed at the implication that Yazoo didn't trust him.

Reno wandered into the livingroom and stretched out on the couch next to Kadaj, in his usual spot with his feet propped up on the coffee table and his mug balanced on his flat belly.

Kadaj watched him warily but no more jibes were forthcoming. He seemed content enough to smoke and drink in silence, idly switching the TV on to early morning cartoons.

"Thanks for bringing me a cup," Kadaj said. "You're quite the host."

"And you're quite the unwelcome guest," Reno sighed, smirking when Kadaj fumed in outrage. "Get your own damned coffee, yo—Yazoo may cater to your little prince bullshit, but I don't."

"God, you're so _rude_," Kadaj breathed, retreating to the kitchen and getting himself some of the bitter, dark brew. He settled gingerly next to Reno and sipped sadly at his coffee, lost in thoughts of Cloud.

"You should go home, yo," Reno told him, sounding only slightly interested in what he was saying.

"He won't answer the phone," Kadaj said, shifting uncomfortably. "Maybe he doesn't want me to come back."

Reno sighed out a cloud of smoke and rolled his head against the back of the couch, giving him an enigmatic look that spoke of hard experience in such matters.

"Assuming what someone else is thinking and feeling is the worst mistake you can make, crazy," he told him, turning his attention back to the TV. "I find it's best to do what you want and make everybody else come along for the ride, yo."

"Is _that_ how you've done so well for yourself?" Kadaj scathingly asked, flushing to be so pointedly called out.

"I got Yazoo, don't I?" Reno said, smirking in satisfaction when he thought of his gorgeous lover.

Kadaj could hardly argue that point, and hunched miserably in the corner of the couch, cupping his mug to warm his hands.

"For god's sake, you freakin' nutjob," Reno sighed, shooting him an exasperated look. "Will you just call him? Yazoo is right, you two have gotta work this out like grown-ups, yo…Too bad there's a noticeable lack of those in your relationship."

Kadaj scowled at him, tempted to dump his mug of coffee on him. But then, Yazoo would not be happy to have his lover damaged, and Kadaj knew he could be dangerous when properly riled.

"Hey, Reno," Kadaj said, giving him an angelic smile. "Remember when I tased you?"

Reno glowered at him.

"Yeah," Kadaj sighed, smiling happily. "That must've hurt."

"Sadistic little fucker," Reno muttered, lighting up another cigarette. "Is _that_ how you avoid dealing with your nutcase issues?"

"Just what do you expect me to do?" Kadaj demanded, frustrated. He slammed the mug down on the coffee table with sharp slap, his silver brows furiously drawing together. "How am I supposed to _deal_ with this?"

Reno looked over at him again, his face changing subtly from anger to understanding to wistfulness.

"Kadaj," he said, startling the boy he only ever called a series of insulting names. "You're just a kid, and I wish you'd enjoy that, yo—so many kids don't get the choice in that, they _have_ to grow up…So as much as I hate to say it, yo, if you want to be with Cloud, you're gonna have to stop acting like the child you are and learn to be a grown-up."

Kadaj stared at him, stunned, his thoughts moiling behind his jade-green eyes.

"I thought you hated me," he weakly said, realizing that advice such as this could not come from an enemy.

"I'm not overly _fond_ of you," Reno admitted, looking back at the television. "But then I've never been too good with kids, yo."

"I'm not a kid," Kadaj protested, unused to someone not willing to see him as a small, desirable adult. "_Kids_ don't sleep with grown men, _kids_ don't make their own money or do the things I've done—"

"Sure they do," Reno sadly said, sighing again as if the conversation bored him. "They just _shouldn't_."

"So, you don't think I'm grown up?" Kadaj inquired, getting worked up again.

Reno shook his head.

Slyly, Kadaj edged closer and asked, "And you don't think I'm sexy?"

Reno laughed, genuinely amused, and said, "You're a sixteen year old boy, brat—that's like asking me if I think puppies and baby bunnies are sexy."

Kadaj scowled as he ended with, "Don't be ridiculous, yo."

Chastened and bewildered—he'd always assumed that _somewhere_ in that pervert his brother so loved was a man who wouldn't resist him if he'd ever decided to try—Kadaj polished off his coffee in silence and thoughtfully watched Reno from the corner of his eye.

Thinking back on their myriad interactions, it dawned on Kadaj that Reno did, indeed, treat him with the same absent dislike as he treated Marlene and Denzel and any other child he happened to meet. He certainly didn't treat Kadaj like he treated others he respected or liked or even merely tolerated. Could it be possible…

"So you would never sleep with me?" Kadaj questioned, stumped by the thought that Reno wasn't attracted to him in the least. He just couldn't make the idea work with what he knew of his own appeal and Reno himself.

"Nope," Reno answered, and gave him an annoyed look. "I'm not gay, you crazy little shithead. And I'm _definitely_ not a child-molester, yo—that's more Cloud's area, I guess."

"You're an absolute asshole," Kadaj told him, offended by his admission, his self-esteem undergoing yet another massive reevaluation. Kadaj had a monstrous ego, but his self-doubt rivaled it, making for an easily bruised and hard to salve vanity.

"Come on," Reno sighed, stubbing out his cigarette and putting his cup down.

"Where are we going?" Kadaj asked, still rather destabilized by Reno's statement.

"Breakfast, kook," Reno told him. "Go get dressed."

Kadaj looked at him for a long moment, and then wordlessly went to go change.


	9. Lucky Yazoo

Kadaj checked his phone fretfully once more and shoved it back into his pocket with a sigh, returning to picking at his brunch.

Reno didn't seem too interested in his food either, smoking his way through the better part of a pack and drinking cup after cup of coffee. He was a restless man, Yazoo's eccentric lover—his lean body never still. Several people, mostly women, came up to them to say hello and Reno greeted all of them with the same flirty, cocky manner.

"Still nothing, huh?" Reno asked, absently crumpling up a napkin with a phone number written on it.

Kadaj shook his head and inquired, "Don't you want to keep that?"

"What for, yo?" Reno asked, looking genuinely perplexed. He glanced down, saw the number, and grinned widely at Kadaj, "Jealous, fruitcake? You don't have to guard me when Yazoo ain't around, yo—I got the hottest girlfriend around, I can wait until she comes home."

Kadaj gave him a disgusted look and asked, "Why do you always refer to Yazoo as a woman? Everybody knows he's a _man_."

"What're you talking about?" Reno laughed, and breathed, "_Nutjob_…"

"I'm starting to think that _you're_ the crazy one," Kadaj informed him. "Can we go? I'm not hungry and you're clearly not eating."

"Whatever, yo," Reno sighed, tossing some bills down on the table and standing, stretching lithely and cracking his neck. "Come on, brat."

They left the café, wandering down the street, Kadaj gazing thoughtfully at Reno and trying to puzzle out what he and Yazoo had together and why it was so strong.

"Reno," he said, watching the man light another cigarette with languid, deft movements. "How come you and Yazoo are so happy?"

"We love each other, squirt," Reno said, giving him a grin, smoke drifting from his nostrils. "We don't expect too much of each other and…well—fuck, I dunno, yo, I guess we're good at forgiving each other."

Kadaj thoughtfully mulled this over, following Reno down the street towards the bazaar.

"You know what your problem is, yo?" Reno suddenly said, drawing his attention.

"Please, enlighten me," Kadaj wryly said.

"You're too used to having other people take care of you," Reno told him, and again his blue eyes were unsettlingly knowledgeable.

Kadaj stared at him, offended, stopping dead in his tracks and on the verge of stuttering denial.

"Wait, hear me out, yo!" Reno protested, raising his slim hand and smiling at Kadaj's automatic defensiveness. "I know of the three of you, you're the strongest—in _some_ ways. Strength and power, you had it, yo, but when it came to emotions you were a goddamned disaster and you ain't much better now.

"You always depended on Yazoo to settle you and never had to fend for yourself when it came to being hurt—somebody offended you, broke your heart, you hurt them back," Reno said, offering Kadaj a cigarette and pulling the pack back with a scoffing laugh when the boy reached numbly for one. "And along comes Cloud—no bills, no worries, everything handed to you, just like Yazoo and Loz. You've always been _somebody's_ baby, haven't you? You've always had even complete strangers falling all over themselves to please you. Sex or threats got you everywhere you wanted to be, didn't it? You never wanted for anything, yo, but you never had to be responsible for yourself, either. Do you even know who you are?"

Kadaj stared mutely at his brother's lover, beginning to understand what drew Yazoo to this attractive, ridiculous, and oddly intuitive man. Reno's blue eyes crinkled in a smile and he slung his arm over Kadaj's shoulders, dragging him along down the street and sighing out a cloud of smoke, saying, "Just something to think about, fruitcake."

Kadaj did, indeed, think about it and as much as it irritated him to admit that Reno was right, the man had hit the nail on the head.

"I said _think_ about it, brat, not _mope_ about it," Reno chided, the arm over his shoulders shaking him gently. Reno dropped his arm and gave Kadaj a shove, mystifying the youth—he simply didn't know how to react to the turns of Reno's moods, and briefly wondered how anyone without the patience of a saint could deal with him. But then, Yazoo had limitless patience…

Reno grinned at him again and moved ahead through the crowd, leaving Kadaj to follow. The boy stopped for a moment, looking at his retreating back and hugging himself.

Yazoo was lucky, he realized; lucky to have found someone who didn't care about his dark secrets, who laughed at his fears and made the most serious problem somehow ridiculous and easy to conquer. Reno wasn't full of conflicting emotions and bitterness, he embraced what he was—an oversexed womanizer and a drunk—and because Yazoo accepted him as he was, he accepted Yazoo in return. Kadaj had no doubts that the darkest, ugliest events of their lives had been laid bare before Reno's irreverent interest, and subsequently dissolved with a shrug and a grin.

It was a heady, sobering thought. Kadaj had _never_ discussed his past with Cloud, knowing too well how the man would react and too afraid of Cloud turning away from him. But if Cloud would so easily let him go, was it really love?

If Cloud would leave him over a brief, intense disagreement, was it really love?

If Kadaj lived cloaked in secrets, could he say that what he shared with Cloud was true?

"Come on, psycho!" Reno shouted to him, jarring him from his thoughts. "Let's go have a drink!"

'_Reno is right_,' Kadaj thought, giving the man a brief smile and heading towards him. '_I've always let other people take care of me, I've always expected them to. I want to act like an adult and be treated like an adult but I still think of myself as the baby_…'

Even now, staying with his brother, Kadaj was sharing the burden of his turmoil regarding Cloud—but he knew better than to try striking out on his own with this one. Reno was right to question him, because he was right in that as well—Kadaj had no idea who he was, and he had no idea how to find out.

* * *

This was recently put to me--will I ever have Yazoo top Reno. Honestly, I'm not sure it would work with my Reno. What do you guys think? If you don't want to leave an answer here, you can always email me at . Lemme know, I'm cooking up some stuff and need some feedback.


	10. Selfish

He'd said, "Let's go have a drink!"

But he'd clearly only meant to include himself in that statement.

"Are you drunk?" Kadaj asked for the millionth time, watching Reno stand slowly and toss down a wad of bills to cover his tab.

"Nope," he said, hiccoughing and giving him a lopsided grin. "It helps when Yazoo ain't around. _Fuck_! I miss that gorgeous lady…"

"Imbecile," Kadaj breathed, glancing outside as they left the bar. The sun beat down on them as it worked towards the horizon, shocking Kadaj—he'd thought it was much later. "Not even sunset and you're smashed."

"Yeah, yeah, the better to tolerate you, yo," Reno said, unsteady fingers lighting a cigarette. He paused with his head down and his eyes up, his cloudy gaze focusing on something in the distance. A scowl fell over his lean fox-face, making Kadaj turn in curiosity.

He stared in shocked silence to see Cloud walking down the street, his pace slow to match that of the woman whose waist his lean arm was around. A very pregnant and glowing Tifa.

"Goddammit, yo," Reno growled, straightening his posture and glaring at the couple. "Where the fuck is Rude anyway?"

_Tifa_?

Kadaj felt sick to his stomach, knowing now that his worst fears had been just the tip of the iceberg.

The couple came towards them, Cloud's beautiful face a study in concentration while he listened to Tifa's animated chatter. Kadaj was rooted to the spot with surprise and dismay, unable to even think except of how he wished he'd seen anything but this…

Cloud and Tifa caught sight of them and slowed a little, their conversation dying and Tifa's wide smile dimming to a mere faint one. Kadaj was breathlessly, silently grateful for Reno, who moved slightly in front of him as if to shield him.

"Reno, hi," Tifa started, surprised when Reno cut her off, saying, "Hi yourself—where's Rude?"

"Home. He didn't want to come for a walk today" she answered, looking hurt but understanding. Her hand tightened on Cloud's waist, something only Kadaj saw because he was desperately looking anywhere but at Cloud's face. "Kadaj, how have you been?"

Did she really not know?

"He's fine, yo," Reno answered, still sounding angry, no longer sounding the least bit drunk. "Fine and dandy, right, Cloud?"

Cloud shifted uneasily, and Kadaj stole a look at him, aching to touch him. His beautiful cat-like face was tilted down in his usual effacing manner, those large and liquid blue eyes shimmering against the paleness of his skin.

"Cloud," he whispered, every ounce of pain in that single name.

Those blue eyes flicked up and looked right through him, hurting him more than any outright anger.

Tifa's hand on him was suddenly too much to be borne and Kadaj snatched it away, pushing her hand off of him, that jealous and hurt voice in his head snarling in possessive fury.

Cloud's gloved hand gripped his wrist _hard_, those blue eyes narrowing.

"Cloud, it's okay," Tifa said, trying to diffuse the situation and looking confused. "Honestly, what is going on here? Why is Kadaj with Reno?"

"Because Cloud chased him off," Reno informed her, glowering at the man.

"Why won't you answer my calls?" Kadaj hissed, hating to have this conversation in front of _her_ but having no alternative.

"Because I don't want to talk to you," Cloud told him, and released his wrist with a shove that sent him back into Reno, too shocked to hold his ground. His pale face was a blank mask, unreadable and cold, those blue eyes shuttered and giving him the look of a distant, unreachable statue.

"What?" Kadaj whispered, unable to believe what he'd heard. "Cloud—"

"I don't want to talk to you," Cloud repeated, and Tifa gasped this time, starting to look downright thunderous. "I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to see you."

"Cloud, how can you be so cruel?" Tifa questioned, her wide brown eyes flicking from Cloud's aloof face to Kadaj's own dismayed one. "Why would you say such a thing?"

Kadaj wanted to scream and punch him through a wall, but somehow everything was locked up—his hurt and his fury and _everything_ was buried behind a numbing wall of self-recrimination. _I knew it I knew it I knew it_…

Warm, long fingers folded around his and Kadaj dimly let himself be tugged away, Reno half-dragging him down the street and away from Tifa's open-mouthed astonishment and Cloud's pained, brief wince.

"Goddamned _kidding_ me, yo!" he muttered, fuming, holding Kadaj by the hand as he would any shell-shocked child. Louder, he snapped, "That is _not_ how I hoped you would unfuck that situation, spiky!"

He drug Kadaj to the apartment and forced him down onto the couch, disappearing into the kitchen. Moments later, he returned with a glass full of amber alcohol and pressed it into the boy's hands, saying, "Drink up, yo—cheers to unpreventable moronism."

Kadaj sipped the drink, coughing a little, and continued to nurse it when Reno plopped down next to him, sighing, "I'm really sorry about that, yo. I can't imagine what the fuck was going on there—I'm sure you're doing plenty of imagining for me, though."

"He…he wants her," Kadaj whispered, and bright tears welled in his feline eyes.

Reno shook his head emphatically and took a large swallow of his own drink, telling him, "Whatever, yo—Tifa adores Rude and they're gonna get married as soon as the little larva is born. She called it done with Cloud ages ago."

Kadaj gazed off into space, feeling more bereft than he could ever recall. Cloud's words played over and over in his head, so cold and cruel, so utterly unlike the warm, diffident man who had always loved him so much…or so he'd thought. Perhaps Cloud's diffidence was really reluctance. Perhaps Cloud had simply indulged a boy he had no clue what to do with and was now glad to be free of his burdening presence.

"Hey…" Reno said, sounding concerned as Kadaj's expression deepened into one of appalled shame.

The boy ignored his voice, wracking his brain to see if there was even one time when Cloud had touched him unprovoked by the beast inside him. Had he lied when he'd said it only wanted Kadaj? Was that a way to explain a lack of interest unless things got rough?

"Oh my god!" Kadaj choked, gulping down the rest of the alcohol so that the burn hit his sinuses and brought tears to his eyes. Every interaction was reexamined under new light, carefully compared to what the boy thought he knew now.

It was all paltry, ugly lies, wasn't it?

"Kadaj," Reno inquired, looking uncomfortably worried.

"How could I think he loved me?" Kadaj whispered, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I mean…I knew a long time ago that no one _could_ love me, but I still…" the last bit of it was said as a heartbroken sob, "I still wanted to _believe_ it was true!"

"Hey, whoa, no crying, yo!" Reno protested, hastily putting his drink down and taking Kadaj's from his nerveless hands. "Cloud is an idiot, we all know this is true, brat. Whatever is winging around in that spiky head of his is probably a hell of a lot more confusing than what's going on in yours, yo."

Kadaj folded himself to Reno's chest and man hesitantly embraced him, saying, "Not too good at this part, yo—your brother ain't much of a crier. Bit of a biter, but…well, different circumstances, I guess."

Kadaj snuffled and moaned miserably, absorbing the warmth of Reno's lean body, face tucked against the steady thump of his heart. He lifted his head on impulse, driven by a fierce need to be acknowledged, and kissed Yazoo's fox-faced lover right on his shocked lips.

There was no reaction, no change in the loose embrace around him. Reno's mouth was warm and still and absolutely unmoved.

Kadaj was drawing back even as those slender, strong hands gripped his shoulders and pushed him back a bit, large blue eyes gazing down at him with soft accusation and a tinge of disbelieving anger.

"Are you really that selfish, Kadaj?" he softly questioned, all traces of teasing gone. "You took everything that Yazoo ever had—you wanna take me, too, yo?"

Kadaj sobbed wretchedly, only able to shake his head, ashamed of himself.

"You're so kind to him," Kadaj brokenly said. "You love him so much…why can't _I_ have that, too? Why am _I_ always the one nobody wants?"

Reno gave him a wry, sad look and tucked him close to his chest once more, sighing a little but willing to comfort him. Because Reno wasn't in the habit of abusing kids and Kadaj was one of the most lost, wounded, and confused little kids he'd ever seen.

"I'm sorry," Kadaj told him, calming finally. "I don't know why I did that. But thank you, Reno."

"For what?" Reno questioned.

"For being someone Yazoo can be proud to love," Kadaj said, snuggling closer to his chest. "I was wrong about you and I'm sorry I ever said mean things about you—I'm glad you changed my brother. I'm glad you taught him how nice the world can be and I'm glad you love him enough to be true to him."

Startled and a little embarrassed by the boy's heartfelt praise, Reno gave him a squeeze and said, "Thanks, nutjob—you're not such a bad kid yourself, yo."

Kadaj laughed a startled, pleased little laugh against his chest and subsided once more.

"You should just go to your apartment," Reno told him. "Go in there and tell him what's gonna happen from now on. That's what I do, yo—I just do things my way and whoever wants to come along, comes along. Cloud don't like it when someone else is determined—he generally goes right along with it, yo."

Kadaj wiped his seeping eyes on Reno's shirt and considered it. It was funny how safe he felt now, having gotten solid proof that Reno was never going to make a move on him. That kiss had told him an absolute truth—Reno would look out for him because he loved Yazoo just that much, not because he had plans for Kadaj. The thought warmed him, melting away the vestiges of his strong dislike of Reno which had, perhaps, stemmed from instinctively knowing the man wouldn't fall for any of his tricks.

"Here, I got your apartment key," Reno told him, rifling in his jacket pocket and tossing the key onto the coffee table. "If you decide to go home…Well, if you need to come _back_, the spare key is on the rafter of the stoop. Just face the door and it's right behind you."

Kadaj had to think about it. He wasn't too sure that he should go back if Cloud didn't want him.

"Reno, can you…Can you _force_ someone to love you if they don't?" Kadaj asked, him, simply lying against his chest because the tears had stopped but he felt too protected to move. "I mean…wouldn't it be better if I just let him go be happy?"

"Absolutely not," Reno said, shifting back to snag his drink and draining it. "If you love somebody you have to hold onto them with all your strength, yo. Fuck what Cloud wants, what does he know?"

Kadaj smiled a little, but it faded when he thought of Cloud's cruel words. He hid his face in Reno's chest and shuddered as the tears started again.


	11. Choices

"I don't know what's gotten into you, Cloud Strife, but I've never seen you be so _horrible_!" Tifa ranted, storming furiously into the house she shared with Rude and Denzel and, occasionally, Marlene. She tossed her keys on to the impeccable countertop and rounded on him, her cheeks flushed. "How could you do that to him? He's just a boy!"

"I know," Cloud murmured, standing uneasily in the doorway.

Tifa stared at him, utterly exasperated, and said, "Close the door. Come explain to me what's going on."

Cloud carefully closed the door and stood next to the couch where she sat, declining to sit next to her.

"You love him so much," Tifa wistfully said. "And I know he loves you more than he's got sense…Why would you be so unkind?"

"Tifa…" as always, he struggled for words to explain himself to her, trying to make sense of the moil of emotions that had caused him to reject his little lover so coldly. "You're right—Kadaj is a child. He needs…_family_. He needs to see the world. What does he know of anything? He came to me and he…he died—and when he came back I snatched him up from everything he might've had."

"You didn't snatch him up, Cloud," Tifa said, still angry. "He wouldn't have made it if it weren't for you. You love him."

"I was selfish with him," Cloud quietly said, dropping his gaze to the floor in a manner she knew only too well. "I kept him and I shouldn't have. I never let him live his own life, I made him live the one I chose for him."

Tifa shook her head, beginning to understand what drove him. "Kadaj is strong, Cloud—he wouldn't let you do anything to him that he didn't want. And what benefit does a broken heart bring a child like Kadaj? I saw the look on his face when he saw us out walking—you haven't explained anything to him, have you?"

Cloud's shoulders slumped a little and he softly said, "It's better this way. Reno and Yazoo can take care of him, they can show him what I wouldn't."

"You mean, they can raise him for you," Tifa scathingly said, flushing once more in anger. "Cloud, you're the one who was in a relationship with him. You're the one who disregarded his age in order to make him your lover and life—how is it that _you're_ the one who refuses to treat him like an adult?"

Cloud lifted those sad eyes, startled by what she'd said.

"How can he hope to grow up and be strong if you refuse to treat him as anything other than a child that needs protecting?"

"Tifa…"

"How can you say you love him when you won't even treat him as an equal partner in your relationship?" Tifa demanded. "That makes him a pet, Cloud—not an adored lover. You can't decide for him that what he needs is a life without you, that's not fair to him. Adults have a choice, Cloud. Kadaj deserves one as well."

Once again Cloud gazed at the toes of his boots, chastened and thoughtful.

"How can I ask him to share me?" Cloud softly asked, his low voice barely audible. "How can I ask him to give up a chance with someone else who won't burden him with such things?"

"How can you take that choice away from him?" Tifa countered.

Cloud frowned softly, and said, "I'd better go."

Tifa gave him a sad, bewildered look and said, "Give him a chance to be an adult, Cloud. Let him make his own choices."

"I'll think about it," Cloud told her, and left without another word.


	12. Conscience

A/N: Sorry for the slow update—the internet at the hotel where I'm staying keeps going out and I'm working night shifts, kinda sux. Anyways, enjoy! Glad to see it's entertaining people.

* * *

That was, quite possibly, the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, ranking right up there with killing Sephiroth the first time when he'd been so terrifyingly in love with him. Because what he was doing to Kadaj was a different kind of murder, wasn't it? And his conscience simply wouldn't leave him alone. Though he felt, deep down, that the boy was far better off living with his brother and learning the world through fresh eyes, the selfish side of him wanted Kadaj back in his arms where he belonged. The hurt on his little face had very nearly done Cloud in, going directly to his heart and tearing him. He hated what he was doing even as he was doing it, but could never explain to Kadaj how important it was for him to be free of Cloud.

'_Your problem, Cloud, is that you always think whatever hurts you most is the best decision_…'

He sighed and dropped his head into his hands, hearing Aerith's soft, happy voice echoing in his memory. He knew why he thought of her. After all, it had been her gentle chiding that had finally persuaded him to release Kadaj into the Lifestream, asking him if the world had been so unkind that he didn't trust her anymore…But she'd brought him back, hadn't she? She'd called Cloud to the abandoned Chapel with such compelling strength he'd had no choice but to go—and it had been his bare fingers which reached out to Kadaj and gave him his first touch.

Had he soiled that gift? Or had she intended such a thing? Still, he couldn't forget the utter peace he'd seen in the boy's feline eyes—all of the ugliness and fear and darkness washed away.

So why was he forcing darkness to shadow those jade eyes he loved so well?

He tried to convince himself that this was best for Kadaj, but was that the truth? Or was it that Cloud was silently, secretly terrified by the looming prospect of fatherhood and, as a result, was shucking himself of everything that required his attention?

Growling a little, he tucked up on the couch, uncomfortable and restless. The hunger for Kadaj was a like a consuming sickness, the impatient beast pacing beneath the surface. Its low snarl was the one that worked its way from Cloud's perfect mouth, teeth bared to the uncaring darkness—but it still did nothing to still the confusion. It didn't tell him what he would finally do…


	13. Spot!

A/N: I've decided to start marking juicy chapters with a symbol—for all you pervs (like myself) out there who just want the juicy stuff now and the story whenever.

* * *

"Well, at least you didn't kill one another."

Kadaj woke in a panic, trying to sit up but caught by the twisted sheets and under Reno's dead-weight arm. He wasn't entirely sure how he'd even ended back up in their bed—he'd fallen asleep in Reno's lap on the couch, he was sure of it.

"Yazoo," he breathlessly said, becoming more and more aware that he was nestled warmly into someone who didn't belong to him. "It isn't—"

"You must be skilled in guerilla cuddling to get Reno to snuggle," Yazoo murmured, cupping Kadaj's little face, unconcerned to find the baby in his bed with his beloved fox-face.

"I don't snuggle, yo," Reno growled, rolling onto his back and freeing Kadaj. He gave Yazoo an absolutely brilliant smile and playfully said, "Took you long enough, Lady, I was up to twice a day."

Yazoo laughed, wrinkling his nose at his lover's tactless words.

"It's only _been_ a day, you idiot," he fondly said, undressing the rest of the way. "Besides, no amount of my efforts will keep you from _that_ particular activity."

Reno grinned his biggest fox-faced grin and absently whacked Kadaj on the flank, saying, "Beat it, brat, it's mommy-daddy time."

Kadaj looked fairly appalled, untangling himself from the bed and nabbing his pillow before beating a hasty retreat.

"Try to nap on the couch if you can, _koishii_," Yazoo said. "I'll come get you when we're done."

"No he won't!" Reno called at Kadaj's retreating back. "And close the door, fruitcake!"

The door closed rather harder than normal, but much too gently to be slammed.

"I see you're still being horrible to him," Yazoo observed.

"Never get between a horny man and his hot girlfriend, yo," Reno said, going for his smokes while Yazoo bundled his things into a laundry bag. It was pure pleasure just to watch him move, so graceful and languid, never hurried. "You weren't hurt were you?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Yazoo told him, turning back to the bed and pulling the tie from his hair, fingers deftly unwinding his braid. He was so unconsciously sensual at times that it was like a punch to Reno's gut, just the sight of his indolent, elegant movements enough to start a throb low in his groin. "At least it only took a day—I'm not sure I could've left you with the baby that long."

"I wouldn't have _really_ killed him," Reno said, defending himself, but his eyes were fastened on the rippling play of Yazoo's belly as the man moved over the bed. "Holy fuck, baby, you're so _hot_!"

Yazoo covered him like a warm silky-soft feline, draping over his body to press in all the right places, that gorgeous face filling his vision.

"Beautiful," Reno breathed, and yelped when his forgotten cigarette burned his fingers. Cursing, he dropped it into the ashtray and got a mouthful of Yazoo's lips, hungry and demanding and not in the least bit gentle. Kissing him hard in return, he moaned, "There's my girl."

Yazoo's hot, hard, graceful fingers trailed down his belly to cup him through his pajama pants, his low breath coming out in a pleased sigh to find Reno already hard.

"You pervert," he lowly teased, tongue lapping at Reno's lips. "I knew I shouldn't have left you alone with Kadaj."

Reno gave him a wicked grin and said, "Well, there's something to be said for the stamina of youth, yo."

Yazoo rolled his eyes, laughing softly, and straddled him, leaning low over his face to catch his mouth in another steaming, hard kiss.

"Then I guess I should reaffirm the advantages of age and experience," he purred, rocking in Reno's lap, rubbing the hot jut of his erection between his own skin and the silky material of his pajamas. He smiled when Reno cursed a little, hips arching beneath him, hands clenching at his hips.

"_Fuuuuuuuck_, you're incredible," Reno moaned, panting harder when Yazoo stiffened against his belly, making those amazing, purring little noises he so loved. "Get up, yo, I gotta get these pants off."

"Allow me," Yazoo said, slipping down between his spread ankles. He peeled those pajama pants off of Reno ever so slowly, tongue following in the wake of the slowly descending material. That slowly swirling tongue dipped down into his belly button and then trailed over the dripping tip of his cock, making his hips jump in response, the thick heat of him twitching up beneath Yazoo's velvety tongue.

"Mmm…" Yazoo breathed, hot breath on wet skin, making Reno moan again. "You've been lying to me, haven't you, fox-face?"

He trailed that tongue lower, peeling down the pants to bare the full bulge of Reno's balls, licking and tasting the lover he never tired of. "If you've been jerking off you wouldn't be so…_needy_."

Reno drew a gasping breath and gave Yazoo his crooked fox-grin, his voice unsteady when he confessed, "I prefer you over a handjob any day of the week, baby."

Yazoo smirked at him and whipped his pants the rest of the way off, kneeling between his open legs and moving fluidly down to draw the enticing fullness of his sac into his mouth.

"Aw, holy _fuck_, Yazoo—I can't hold on when you get all crazy," Reno warned him, legs falling open even further, one hand tangling in all that beautiful silver hair.

Yazoo purred around the flesh in his mouth, knowing how good it felt. He had no worries that Reno had actually had his hands on Kadaj—even seeing them snuggled up together had only brought a smile to his face—it simply didn't occur to Yazoo to think that something might transpire. But he still felt strangely possessive of his writhing, fox-faced lover and wanted to stamp ownership on his translucent, succulent hide.

He moved his tongue back up to a rising crescendo of Reno's harsh pants, swirling it around the fat, straining tip and drawing it into his mouth. He sucked and squeezed, grazing his teeth over the tender skin, Reno's cock throbbing and pulsing.

"You little fucking tease," Reno bit out, sweating now, his teeth clenched as Yazoo gave him unbelievable head. But it felt so goddamned good he just couldn't make it stop.

Yazoo sucked hard on him and then swallowed him down in a swift, sure movement that arched his back and had him crying out, desperately begging, "Oh fuck! Oh fuck, baby, you gotta stop! Aw, _god_, Yazoo, you're gonna make me cum, yo!"

He squeezed Reno hard at the base of his cock and let his lips linger just above, breathing in slow, cautious breaths while the man groaned, a spasm rocking his body and pulsing up through his cock. He knew when the urge had passed, the pressure receding from the thick flesh in his mouth. When he was sure Reno had it back under control, he kept his grip tight and sucked hard, slowly pulling his mouth back up and plunging it back down, tongue twirling against his skin. He tasted so _good_, salty with precum, dribbling it in Yazoo's mouth. Such soft skin, so delicate and sweet. Yazoo ached, so aroused by touching him that he was finding it a bit difficult himself to hold on.

"Yazoo," Reno moaned, trying not to thrust against his skilled lips, panting hard just to keep the rising tide of sensation at bay. But a glance at Yazoo's sultry, perfect face and hazy eyes had him nearly erupting again, clenching his teeth and fisting his hands to keep it down. "_Fuck_, baby, I want to get inside you!"

Yazoo merely slid a finger up Reno's cock in the wake of his lips and eased that wetted finger up inside his twisting lover.

"Don't do that!" he begged, trying to pull away. "_Goddammit_, Yazoo, you _know_ that sets me off—don't _do_—"

That finger slid up expertly to press his sweet spot, rubbing with firm, gentle pressure.

"_Fuck_!" Reno harshly snarled, body snapping taut as it drove him to the brink. He arched wildly under his skilled lover, needing the release so bad he wanted to weep. It hovered there just at the edges, aching and full and ready to pour out of him—he shook at the strength of the sensations washing over him, only Yazoo's vise-like grip keeping him bottled up. His hips rocked against that mouth, against that rubbing finger, his body shuddering hard. "Please, baby, let me fuck you—_god you're so fucking hot_!"

Yazoo dipped his finger a little deeper, liking how Reno flinched and tensed. He slipped it out and drew his mouth off of Reno's cock with a long, lingering suck. He waited until the man's breathing slowed before he dared to let go of Reno's turgid, twitching flesh.

"So?" he purred, crawling over Reno's tense body and tilting his head, eyes half-closed and sultry. "Did you miss me?"

All that came out of Reno's mouth was a low, deep moan that was almost a whimper. His body jerked when Yazoo bent and bit his little nipples, laving each one with his tongue.

"I swear to god, baby, if you don't hop on my cock right now—"

Yazoo cut his ultimatum off with a kiss, slipping over onto his precum and saliva wet cock. Reno bucked beneath him, moaning into his mouth as Yazoo guided him in, squeezing him hard because he'd gotten his fox-faced lover awfully riled up and wasn't sure if Reno would make it all the way in. The thought of Reno coming partially inside him made him gasp, a shudder pouring over his slender body and his own cock jerking in response.

Reno groaned roughly beneath him and arched hard, burying himself ball-deep in Yazoo's tight, perfect ass. His strong hands held Yazoo's hips down, working him with short, sharp rocks of his hips, his mouth parted and his blue eyes cloudy. His lean body thrummed with tension, curving slightly to give himself better leverage.

"Spot-fuck," he panted, the hard length of him pounding inside of Yazoo. "Talk to me, baby."

Yazoo moaned, writhing on his working cock, flexing his hips and riding him harder, bouncing on his lean body and feeling him tighten towards climax. The wet slap of flesh only made him moan louder—what Reno loved to hear from his lover—driven towards climax by the wet, sloppy fuck. He knew neither of them would last long, indulging in what Reno called a 'Spot-fuck.' Hit the spot, go off like a ton of TNT.

And Reno hit his spot, that's for sure.

"Oh _god_," Yazoo wailed, and arched his back, tightening as it washed up over him.

"Give it to me, baby," Reno panted, fisting Yazoo's cock and groaning lowly when Yazoo surged into his hand, milky ropes of cum spurting over his fingers and onto his belly and chest while Yazoo writhed wildly, grinding down on him. Before Yazoo's orgasm had crested, Reno was right behind him, throwing his hips up into his beautiful lover and sobbing blissfully as it tore through him. His eyes crossed at the amazing sensation of coming apart at the seams, deep, throaty groans torn from his lips. "_Oh my god_! Do you feel it, baby? Do you feel me coming inside you?"

Yazoo answered with a moan, rocking hard on him as his cum pumped deep inside him, milked from his twitching cock to coat them both in thick, wet heat.

"Oh holy _fuck_," Reno sighed, letting go of Yazoo's softening cock with a final, gentle rub of his thumb over the dripping slit. He was panting, sweating, and utterly at peace. He gave Yazoo his fox-like grin and sighed, "You're one hot lady, yo."

"What makes you think I'm done with you?" Yazoo inquired, and smirked to see that hopeful, dreading look on Reno's lean face.

"No, you don't have to—"

"What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't get you to double-tap?" Yazoo purred, and deliberately squeezed the softening flesh still inside him.

Reno moaned, loud and low, his head falling back and a breathless, whispered begging coming from his mouth, "Please don't…make me feel it, baby—do it!"

"Just lie back and close your eyes," Yazoo whispered, sitting up on Reno's fat cock, squeezing him again until he winced and twitched. "Take a deep breath." He started rocking, making Reno whimper, and reached down behind himself to cup Reno's balls. "And just pretend…" He slid his wet finger down again and twisted it deftly up inside his lover, adding another finger to the first and bumping his prostate with slow, shallow strokes. Reno sobbed a little, his body singing with tension, about to pop with that aching dry-cum. Yazoo licked his lips, rocking harder and gently thrusting those fingers inside him. "…just pretend that it's my cock inside you."

"Aw _fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck_!"

Yazoo rode the massive spasm that dry-cum brought him, Reno's body jerking hard beneath him as he panted and sobbed in release. He rode him until the spasms stopped and his blue eyes grew heavy with repletion.

"There," he sighed, easing off of his lover and stretching out beside him. "All you needed was a dirty fuck."

"Oh my god, I love you, lady," Reno moaned, shuddering softly, eyes closing, belly caving with his deep, heavy panting.

"You'd better," Yazoo said, using Reno's pajama pants to mop the cum off of his lover and then himself. "After the load you blew in me I'll be lucky to walk straight."

Reno grinned, white teeth flashing in the darkness.

"Your fault, yo," he murmured. "You left."

"For a _day_, idiot!" Yazoo reminded, exasperated. He pulled the sheets back up, moving to lie half on top of Reno's lean body.

"Not _my_ fault," Reno told him, slitting one eye open. "_You're _the one who insisted on working."

Yazoo kissed him and pulled away, tossing the covers over his hips and pulling on a robe. He went into the livingroom and returned alone, sighing as he crawled back into bed and draped himself over his lover.

"What's wrong, the little kook didn't want to come sleep in here?" Reno sleepily inquired, smiling a little when Yazoo stroked his tattooed cheek.

"All he said was, '_Gross_!' So I didn't push it," Yazoo said. "Reno?"

"Mmmm?"

Yazoo snuggled closer and kissed him softly.

"Thanks for taking care of the baby for me. I know it isn't easy, but Kadaj…" he trailed off, trying to figure out how best to sum up his complex and dear little brother. "Kadaj is like a mirror, I guess. He reflects the people around him. He doesn't see himself at all except through other peoples' eyes, so…so it's really important to love him."

"I don't love him," Reno flatly said, and lifted one drooping lid to fix Yazoo with his piercing, wily blue gaze. "But I love you, yo—so the brat can stay."

Yazoo smiled, sighing, "He's just so lost…"

"Yeah, I know," Reno whispered, wrapping his arms around Yazoo and holding him tight. "Christ, Yazoo, hasn't anybody ever loved that little fruitcake without fucking him?"

Yazoo wriggled closer and breathed against his neck, "No. Not a single soul. So it would be good if you could love him, Reno. He needs at least _one_ person who wants nothing more than just Kadaj as he is."

"I'll see what I can do," Reno said, kissing the top of his head. "No promises, yo."

"Never," Yazoo said, smiling a little. "I'm sure he'll creep in here after we're asleep."

Reno grunted a little, nearly asleep already, but managed to murmur, "So long as he doesn't sleep in the middle, yo."


	14. How To Kill Kadaj

Kadaj woke up the next morning to the sound of running water in the kitchen. Lifting his sleep-mussed head, he peered owlishly at the bright light to see his brother moving confidently around the apartment's small kitchen.

Yawning, the boy got up off of the couch and padded quietly to the counter, leaning on it on his elbows, head propped in his hands. He loved to watch Yazoo moving around, even though the old desire had been washed away by Aerith's forgiving light. Still, Yazoo was poetry in motion and Kadaj felt a familiar admiration and envy well up in him to see his brother making such grace out of simple daily chores. He smelled sweet, too—freshly showered and dressed for a day at home in a loose tee-shirt and cargo pants, his hair loose down his back.

"Did you sleep okay?" he inquired, startling Kadaj a little, who'd been watching him with dreamy, distant intensity.

"Yeah," Kadaj answered, sitting down on the counter's barstool to watch Yazoo start the coffee.

"You could've slept with us, Reno didn't mind," Yazoo told him, rooting through the cabinets to find sugar and creamer.

Kadaj shrugged a little and softly said, "Reno told me yesterday that I've never been responsible for myself. He's right—I've always relied on someone else, so…so I figured sleeping alone was a good start."

Yazoo smiled gently at him, placing the sugar down with three mugs already in place.

"Yazoo?"

"What is it, _koishii_?" Yazoo asked, turning away to view the contents of the refrigerator with a disgusted, "Hmph!"

Kadaj ducked his head shyly and murmured, "Why weren't you angry when you found me in your bed with Reno last night?"

"Angry? _Koishii_, why would I be angry?" Yazoo questioned, pulling out a questionable bowl of rice and tossing it into the garbage.

"I mean…If I had gone home and found _you_ in _Cloud's_ bed, I would've lost it," Kadaj admitted, tracing patterns on the countertop.

"What, don't you trust Cloud?" Yazoo asked, leftovers making their way into the garbage.

"Yeah, of course I do—"

"Then what's the problem?" Yazoo asked, turning around to face him and giving him a soft smile. "Kadaj, I trust Reno implicitly. There was a better chance of him beating you than sleeping with you. You're like a bratty little brother to him."

Kadaj gazed at him thoughtfully, considering it.

"So, how do you trust someone so much?" he asked, because if that was trust, he sure didn't have it with Cloud.

Yazoo thought for a moment, perfect face falling utterly still before he slowly said, "When you love someone, you give them the ability to hurt you more than anyone else in the world, but you have the ability to hurt them just as badly. You have to have faith that they would never do such a thing, Kadaj. Faith that their love for you is stronger than any selfish compulsion." He smiled, face softening when he thought of his fox-faced lover. "With Reno and I, we've already learned our lessons, hurt one another. Now we have faith that it will never happen again. Do you understand?"

Kadaj nodded a little.

"You respect one another," he said, dissecting their relationship and comparing it to his own. "You're equals."

"How else would we be?" Yazoo laughed. "Of course we respect one another. We also tolerate each others' foibles and forgive each others' stupid screw-ups—love is work, Kadaj, it isn't _always_ perfection. People make mistakes, _koishii_, expecting them not to is…is…unreasonable."

Kadaj sighed unhappily, resting his chin on his stacked hands.

"I need to grow up," he said. "I need to face what's happening…"

"And what's that?" Yazoo inquired, pouring them both coffee.

"That Cloud never loved me," Kadaj softly said, and managed not to let tears well up. "That all of it was just…just smoke and mirrors."

"Oh, _koishii_, I don't think that's true," Yazoo murmured, placing Kadaj's cup by his elbow and stroking his hair. "Cloud is entranced by you."

Kadaj closed his eyes and told Yazoo of the prior day's events that had led up to him sleeping in their bed curled up in Reno's arms. Yazoo listened quietly, sipping at his coffee and leaning negligently against the opposite counter, but his solemn, smooth face held the stirrings of anger and deep, welling regret for his little brother.

"He's heartsick," Yazoo said when Kadaj finished. "He doesn't know what he's doing."

"It doesn't matter, I've decided what I'm going to do," Kadaj said, lower lip out in a stubborn pout.

Reno emerged from the bedroom, fingers riffling his damp hair until it stood on end, the long ponytail dripping droplets of water. He was dressed in his Turk suit, but in his usual sloppy way—no tie, shirt untucked, jacket open, collar unbuttoned to give brief, enticing glimpses of his breastbone and the dip of muscle there. His goggles were firmly in place, holding that mess of hair out of his eyes, and his grin was just as firmly present. He looked like a man with no worries, and greeted them both with flashing blue eyes and a quick, "What up?"

Yazoo handed him his cup of coffee and fussed with imaginary lint on his jacket, falling easily into the caretaker roll he'd so often played with Kadaj and Loz.

"Have any psycho fits last night, loony bin?" he asked, smirking and turning his head to kiss Yazoo until he stopped picking at his jacket. "Sheesh, quite the housewife this morning, aren't we?"

"If you didn't insist on going to work looking like I've had you horse-dragged beforehand!" Yazoo fumed, throwing one graceful hand in the air in exasperation. "Why do I try?"

"Because you love me, yo!" Reno said, catching him around the waist and squeezing him. "And…because you're a perfect housewife."

"Watch it, fox-face," Yazoo said, his tone holding a hint of warning. "I'll Switch so fast your head will spin."

"He can do that," Kadaj chimed in, nodding emphatically.

Reno's eyebrows lifted, his lean face lighting up with mischievous glee, but he only finished his coffee and stroked Yazoo's cheek, murmuring, "I'm sorry, baby, I'm just playing with you, yo."

Yazoo melted like butter in a hot pan, ruefully saying, "I don't mean to be so touchy, Reno, really. Kadaj just filled me in on what's been going on with Cloud and I got a little…"

"Pissed?" Reno offered.

"Out of sorts," Yazoo wryly said—though he had no qualms using foul language in private, he tended to leave that sort of thing in the bedroom, having been raised with impeccable manners and sensitivity.

"Can I go to work with you today, Reno?" Kadaj suddenly asked, giving him a soulful gaze.

"Absolutely not, it's not Bring A Brat To Work Day," Reno flatly said, refilling his coffee cup and going for his smokes. "And stop giving me the Big Eyes. I'm Rufus' bodyguard, it's sorta my…oh, what's that word…oh, yeah, _job_ to keep kooks like you away from him."

"What's wrong with me?" Kadaj asked, not offended.

"You're _psycho_!" Reno reminded him. "So, no. Absolutely not. No way."

"But I need him to give me a job," Kadaj said.

"He'll give you a job alright," Reno scoffed, lighting his cigarette. He leaned on the counter next to Yazoo, who was watching Kadaj thoughtfully, and regarded the boy himself. What he saw there made him frown a little, assessing Kadaj. "You really want a job?"

Kadaj squirmed a little, pinned by both of their intense gazes.

"Yeah…like you said, I need to take care of myself," he said, suddenly emphatic, finding the well of the old Kadaj inside him—determination and strength. "He could use me, Reno. I need someone strong to teach me how to be strong for myself."

Yazoo looked at Reno, his silent look saying, 'Well, why not?'

Reno blew smoke from his nostrils and lowered his chin, staring at Kadaj from the tops of his eyes. Kadaj had an unsettling feeling that this was the same look people marked by Shinra got when the red-head dealt them death. No hint of teasing, no air of ridiculous charm—just steady, intense assessment and a stern inner judge.

"Not Rufus," he finally said. He got his phone out suddenly and flipped it open, frowning with uncharacteristic seriousness as he dialed a number and said, "It's me. Remember that favor you owe me? Well, I'm calling it in, yo. I got someone I want you to apprentice, no questions asked…Yeah, this will clear our debt, fair and square, yo—but you _have_ to teach this kid, okay? He's at my apartment now but he can meet you wherever you like…Sounds good."

He hung up the phone, looking rather relieved, and gave Kadaj a satisfied smirk.

"Well, your fate is sealed, brat," he told him, taking a deep drag off of his smoke. "I know you've had a run-in with him before but if you want to learn to take care of yourself, I can think of no better person."

"Reno, who was that?" Yazoo asked, sounding worried.

"It isn't just anybody who can get the drop on old grumpy-pants, that favor was a landfall," Reno said, and tipped a wink at Kadaj, adding, "You get to learn from a real hero, nutjob."

"Why do I feel like I've been tricked?" Kadaj weakly asked. "Who is it?"

"Vincent Valentine."

Kadaj slumped down in a miserable little heap on the countertop.

Yazoo looked at Kadaj, and then looked at his lover, saying with haughty disapproval, "I thought you said you wouldn't _really_ kill him?"

Reno laughed and shrugged his narrow shoulders, delighted by the reaction.


	15. So Cruel

It had taken over a week of Kadaj's absence, but Cloud had finally made his mind up.

What had really slammed home the fact that his little lover was gone was when he came home from a long night of deliveries to find a subtle disturbance in his loft. Immediately on the alert for possible intruders, Cloud had scoured the loft, ending in the bedroom. The first thing he'd noticed was that _everything_ Kadaj had owned was gone…just _gone_. The closet was bare on the boy's side, the drawers were empty, the small effects scattered around the room gone. More carefully, then, he'd rechecked the loft and found Kadaj's toothbrush and toiletries gone, favorite books and CDs missing from the shelves—and the loft key, left on the coffee table. No note, no explanation, though Cloud probably hadn't deserved one.

He slept on that information, and in the morning he'd gone to work and realized that whatever the case may be he didn't _want_ Kadaj to be gone. Even if it meant raising two children and having to split his love, time, and patience, he wanted the boy in his life. He remembered the passionate _need_ for Kadaj that had carried him through that final fight with Sephiroth. He couldn't just let him go.

So he did a day of deliveries and, almost sick with nerves at the idea of facing Kadaj and giving explanations in his stilted, unsure way, Cloud made his way to the apartment where Reno and Yazoo lived, and knocked firmly on the door.

There was a long wait during which a brief commotion took place before the door was wrenched open by none other than Reno himself, cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth. He was his usual sloppy-looking self, his untucked shirt unbuttoned all the way, cuffs undone, feet bare beneath the pants of his Turk suit. When he saw who graced his doorstep his blue eyes rolled heavenwards.

"Fuck, why do _I_ always have to answer the door?" he complained. "What do _you_ want, chocobo-head?"

"I need to speak with Kadaj," Cloud lowly said, uncomfortable talking to Reno. The man always disconcerted him, his easy manner with people something Cloud just couldn't understand.

Reno grinned meanly, took a deep drag off of his cigarette, and said, "Too bad, yo, he ain't here."

Stymied, Cloud roused himself to ask, "When will he be back?"

Reno shrugged and said, "How the fuck should _I_ know? I'm not his daddy."

So much for Kadaj being safe with his brother.

Cloud scowled, his voice a low, dangerous growl when he said, "He's just a child, how can you not know when he's coming home?"

"He's a grown man, Cloud," Reno smirked. "He makes his own decisions—"

"Like hell he is!" Cloud snapped.

Reno's brows rose and he chuckled a little, saying, "Well, he _has_ to be grown, doesn't he? You wouldn't actually be fucking a _child_, yo."

Stumped by this logic, Cloud fell into troubled silence, not knowing how to respond.

"Have I told you before that you look like a Siamese cat, yo?" Reno thoughtfully asked, leaning against the door frame, negligent and careless. "All you need is a collar with a bell on it."

"What?" Cloud asked, startled by this inanity.

"Beat it, pussy-cat, I got shit to do," Reno said, and moved to go back inside.

"Reno!" Cloud said, pausing him. "I want him to come home."

"For fuck's sake," Reno sighed, shaking his shaggy head and plucking the cigarette from his mouth. "Make up your goddamned mind, Strife! I'd love to tell the little nutcase that you want him to come back, but he ain't _here_, yo! He left yesterday."

"Left?" Cloud blankly echoed.

"Yeah, _left_," Reno said again, starting to look less amused and far more pissed. "He went back to your loft, got his shit, and moved along his way, yo."

Cloud stood there in open-mouthed shock, trying frantically to summon the words to make all of this make sense.

"Where…what…Where did he go?" he finally asked.

"I don't know, yo," Reno said. "I would say ask him, but he left his phone behind."

Cloud gazed numbly at the floor, heart suddenly cold and empty.

"Did he…did he leave a message for me?" he asked, almost ashamed to inquire about such a thing—ashamed of himself for doing this to both of them.

Reno sighed again and shook his head.

"There was this thing I saw awhile ago, I think it made quite an impression on the little shit. Let's see, what was it?" Reno wondered, even tilting his lean fox-face up in mock thoughtfulness. "Oh yeah, I remember—it was _you_ telling him you didn't want to talk to him or see him again! So, _no_, he didn't leave you a message, Strife."

Reno gave him a disgusted glance and lowly, scathingly, said, "Like you'd even bother to read it, yo."

"Read what?" Cloud demanded, but Reno slammed the door in his face, leaving him miserable and alone on the stoop.

For a long while he just stood there, Reno's words sinking in, his head dipping down in utter defeat. He'd made his decision, and he'd arrogantly assumed that Kadaj would wait on his convenience. Now his little lover was god-alone-knew where, convinced that Cloud didn't love him, making his way among strangers in a world that was, at best, unkind.

* * *

"You're so cruel," Yazoo absently noted, still watching the movie Reno had left.

"Yeah, well, he's a shithead," Reno said, plopping back down next to him on the couch and adamantly saying, "We're not answering the door anymore _period_—the twerp comes back, he can use the spare, yo."

"Fine with me, I don't answer the door anyway," Yazoo said, giving his lover an impish smile. "You didn't tell him that Kadaj is with Vincent?"

Reno shook his head.

"You didn't tell him about your 'safeguards,' then?"

Another shake of the head.

Yazoo smiled at him, admiring his wily sense of mischief and his keen sense to set things right. As much as he'd frightened Kadaj with the prospect of being sent off with Vincent, Yazoo knew that the moment he got out of the apartment he was on the phone with the ex-Turk laying down ground rules and doing what he could to make sure Kadaj would not end up dead or maimed. But Reno didn't like for people to know that there was any amount of thoughtfulness or even coherent _thought_ under all that lazy charm, so Yazoo indulged him and smiled once more, sighing, "_So_ cruel."


	16. Leave It Behind

_Vincent Valentine_.

Kadaj had no trouble remembering his "run-in" with that man—it had been Vincent's interference that had saved Cloud's life so many long months ago. Kadaj had gone in for the killing strike and had been driven back by a confusing apparition in a swirling red cloak. That had been the first and last time he'd seen Vincent Valentine, but Cloud had named his savior to Kadaj and had told the boy to count himself lucky that Vincent had only had rescue on the mind.

Nervously, Kadaj fondled the hilt of the _souba_ strapped to his back, waiting on the man to show. As per instructions, he'd left his bike behind at Yazoo's along with anything he couldn't carry in the small backpack at his feet. Everything else he owned was boxed up in the apartment's small storage unit, waiting his return.

Restlessly impatient, Kadaj fidgeted where he sat at the wrought-iron table outside of a street café. People passed him by, some glancing at him with interest, others smiling at him—none of them ignoring him. Kadaj did his best to pretend he was invisible, adjusting the _souba_ once more so that it didn't press against the back of the chair.

"So…" a low, purring voice said, stilling Kadaj's movements. "_You're_ the one that Reno had in mind."

Kadaj slowly looked up, trying to school his features into blankness. He was confident enough in his own strength that he wasn't exactly _afraid_, but he'd lost so much in the transition back to this world that he wasn't entirely sure he could still match up. Besides, there was something _strange_ about that voice, something not altogether human or even married to human emotion anymore.

Crimson eyes gazed down at him with bored disinterest, dark and almost glowing behind a spill of black hair. His head was tilted down, hiding the rest of his face behind the high collar of a red mantle.

Kadaj said nothing. He was no fool, and there was no sense drawing any predatory interest from this…person. He just breathed calmly and blinked, keeping absolutely still.

Vincent's eyes narrowed a little, his head tilting. He had his arms crossed over his chest, that red cloak spilling out over them. He, too, merely observed, though he knew this particular boy well enough from having watched him before, months ago.

"What are you to Reno that he asks me this?" Vincent asked, not usually so curious, but that favor had been a rather substantial one, and he hadn't expected Reno to let him off so lightly.

"A friend," Kadaj answered, wetting his dry lips. "My brother, Yazoo, is his lover."

Was that a twitch of surprise in those dark red eyes?

Vincent turned and walked away.

After a moment of hesitation, Kadaj scrambled to his feet, grabbed his backpack, and fell into step behind him. He didn't ask any questions—Vincent didn't really seem like the patient type—and, truth to be told, he wasn't really curious. He needed escape and he didn't care how he got it, willing to trust his life to a stranger in the process.

'_Help him grow up_,' Reno had told Vincent. '_He's coming apart and he's just a damned kid, yo. _You_ know what it's like to grieve_…'

Vincent led the boy through the city and beyond, knowing there would be hard lessons to be learned. He had his own agenda, and had no intentions of letting a straggler slow him down or change his schedule in any way. Kadaj would keep up or he would fall behind and, probably, die—but Vincent had seen this particular child in action before and doubted that it was surviving that Kadaj needed lessons in. It was something else, a weakness of the soul, a fundamental instability of the foundation of what he was caused by seeing himself through other people's eyes. For all his strength, all the power he wielded—both physically and sexually—this boy knew no more about himself than a toddling baby.

And if there was one thing Vincent knew well, it was how to reflect on oneself. He wasn't sure if he could instill in Kadaj an ability to view himself accurately since his own view was so distorted, but he would try to be an impersonal mirror, reflecting the boy truly. Who knew, perhaps Kadaj could even be an asset—he certainly was a deadly little creature with that dangerous weapon of his. He could feel the ancient power of it humming through his bones and wondered if Kadaj even knew what he held. It made Vincent feel that unusual curiosity again, wondering how Kadaj had managed to come by the _souba_—the name alone giving away its origin. It seemed a strange twist of chance for the _Masamune's_ altered blade to wind up in the hands of a Sephiroth clone. He wondered how anyone had found it at all, or even had the power to break that six-foot long blade in half and forge the twin pieces of it onto one haft.

Mysteries. Perhaps Kadaj had a past, too. He'd always considered it interesting that the three brothers had been so well provisioned and so well-armed. Usually escapees from Shinra labs didn't have anything more than the clothes on their back and a keen, despairing desperation. Strange. And…interesting.

He glanced back at the boy trudging behind him, his little face lost in thought, the backpack slung over one shoulder and his left hand resting idly on the hilt of the _souba_. He was young enough yet that his face was still softly rounded, given to girlish delicacy in moments of repose—but there was a sadness there, too, dark and aching and out of place on one so young.

Vincent turned away and thought of Cloud. Thought of his odd, repeated questions about this boy after Vincent had rescued him from Kadaj. It hadn't taken a genius to figure him out, Cloud was always as transparent as glass as far as Vincent was concerned. But this was mildly surprising, even Vincent would admit. Then again, Cloud never had been able to hold onto anything of value except for his swords and the _Fenrir_. It seemed he was just as incapable of human interaction as Vincent himself. And, maybe, this young one at his heels.

Pulling his cloak around him, Vincent broke into a steady trot, Kadaj following silently in his wake as they left the town of Edge behind.


	17. Welcome Home

A/N: I know this is going to upset some folks, but I'm turning Kadaj's time away into another story cleverly titled Kadaj Grows Up because, as you've probably figured out by now, I'm crap at naming stories and chapters. It's alright, I'll live with it if you will. So don't feel cheated, it's going to come—I just have to research Vincent a little bit as I'm not too familiar with his character and I don't want to offend those who are.

* * *

Cloud waited.

He felt like he was back in a Mako Tank, suspended in numbness, the world separated from him by wavering, thick glass. He did his deliveries, he took his messages, he paid rent on the loft and put food in his mouth but he was waiting the whole time.

A month passed and still he waited.

The bitter winter snows came and still he waited.

Tifa gave birth in the spring to a little boy she named Zax, in honor of the man they both had known and admired. And even as Cloud held him for the first time, overwhelming emotion flooding his heart and his trembling hands, even as he looked at the little miniature of his own face with huge, cloudy blue eyes and a thatch of Tifa's black hair, even then he was waiting.

Spring threw its arms open for summer and Cloud waited, amazed at the way Zax grew, spending what time he had with Tifa and the baby. But he wasn't really needed, Rude considered Zax _his_ child, and loved him dearly.

Summer welcomed fall with a last dizzying wave of heat and still Cloud waited, a sharp pain accompanying it when it hurtled close to the year mark.

But that, too, came and went, marked only by Cloud and by Yazoo and, perhaps secretly, by Reno. Only as fall was drawing to a close did Cloud realize that he would wait forever; that even though every day without Kadaj was agony, he would do nothing to still it—he would wait, and if the boy never returned…well, then Cloud was justly punished for his sins.

* * *

Reno sleepily thought that they should move to the bed, but he was awfully comfortable where he was, stretched out on the couch with Yazoo spread out on top of him in post-coital bliss. Usually his fussy lover refused to fuck on the furniture outside of the bedroom, especially the couch as it was so hard to get it clean—but he'd been strangely passive the last few weeks and had thrown himself into Reno's arms without a single protest. Reno comforted him to the best of his ability, knowing Yazoo was worried about Kadaj. Reno was getting a little worried himself, but he'd had no word from Vincent and was given strict instruction not to call.

"You okay, baby?" he sleepily inquired, expecting Yazoo to be asleep. His graceful, feline lover had gone off like a short-fused barrel of dynamite, gratifying Reno's ego endlessly—he should be dead asleep after that.

"I'll be alright," Yazoo murmured, snuggling his nose into Reno's throat. "I just…_worry_. I don't understand, when Loz decided to leave last spring, I didn't worry. I _know_ the baby can take care of himself, I…"

Reno stroked his tousled hair, holding him close, rubbing the long length of his back.

"He's safe," Reno said, hoping he wasn't lying. "He's with Vincent. There's no safer place than the eye of the storm, yo."

"He doesn't need me anymore," Yazoo sighed, idly tugging on the hoop in Reno's ear. "He and Loz both left me…"

"Well, I know it's no consolation, yo," Reno teased, grinning tiredly. "But you still got me! _I'm_ not going anywhere."

Yazoo hugged him back and laughed a little, saying, "It's better than anything, fox-face."

Reno smiled and started to drift off, listening to the slow, steady click of the clock, when suddenly a soft, low voice purred, "Oh, gross, I wouldn't have slept on the couch if I'd known you two fuck on it."

Both of them were up in a heartbeat, too trained in quick reaction to do anything _but_.

It was Yazoo who recovered first, closing the distance with a few fluid steps and throwing his arms around their unexpected visitor.

"_Koishii_!" he sighed. "You came back!"

Reno got his pounding heart back under control, a little surprised to see Yazoo embracing the boy…no, not a _boy_, not any longer. Though still a runt by Reno's standards, still shorter than Yazoo and probably topping out no larger than a petite five foot six, there was still a subtle difference in the youth embracing his brother. His hair had been freshly cut in that asymmetrical way he preferred, and he was wearing some weird, tribal-looking leather get-up that reminded Reno uncomfortably of the bad days. The familiar _souba_ was strapped to his back and his left hand never quite left the hilt. But the face turned to Yazoo was thinner, more feline, more like Yazoo's. There was a calmness in that youthful face that Reno had never seen before, the untouched serenity of still water with just a hint of reserve. Though his full little lips smiled and those huge, tilted eyes flashed with happiness, there was a feeling of withholding from him now.

Kadaj had grown up.

Apparently unable to express himself in a satisfactory way, Yazoo gave up trying to talk and planted a joyful, grinning kiss on Kadaj's lips.

"Alright, _cut_!" Reno shouted, wedging himself between them and scowling at them both. "Knock it off, you two—incest remains off the menu!"

Though it was clear that affection and not attraction had prompted the kiss, Reno still found it was a good opportunity to welcome Kadaj home.

"Brat," he said, smirking at him with Yazoo peeking over his shoulder, still grinning like a proud momma.

"Manwhore," Kadaj primly replied, and hugged him tight, sighing, "Thank you, Reno, for what you did."

"You're welcome, brat," Reno said, wryly thinking that his nicknames were going to have to stop now—Kadaj didn't have that edge of trembling, dangerous desperation anymore. There was no sign of the temperamental, fit-throwing crazy in this lithe and calm little creature. "How'd you get in?"

"Spare key," Kadaj laughed, pulling back to look at them both. "Seriously, _the couch_? Gross."

"_You're_ gross," Reno countered, releasing him like a hot potato, glad when Kadaj merely laughed. "Hungry, monster?"

"We have steak," Yazoo tossed in, ducking under Reno's arm to stand with his own around Reno's waist. "I can fix you curry if you want—do we have eggs? I should've gone to the store—"

"Whatever you have is fine," Kadaj said, unstrapping the _souba_ and lying it reverently against the wall.

Yazoo flipped his hair out of his face and impulsively hugged Kadaj once more, murmuring, "I've missed you, _koishii_."

"I missed you, too," Kadaj said, and those feline eyes closed with real happiness.

Yazoo hurried off to the kitchen, fully prepared to make a ten course meal despite the fact that it was three in the morning.

Reno went for his smokes and lit one, offering one to Kadaj, who smilingly declined.

"So," he said, leaning against the back of the couch and regarding the young man he'd last seen as a child. "How was it?"

"Rough," Kadaj admitted, smiling softly.

"Wanna tell us about it?"

Kadaj smiled again, wistfully, and shook his head, saying, "Nah."

"How's old grumpy pants?" Reno asked, a little surprised by Kadaj not wanting to talk of what happened.

"Vincent?" Kadaj asked, and his smile changed a little, though not in a way that made Reno nervous—or so he kept telling himself. "He's as fractured as ever, I guess."

"Is he pissed at me?" Reno asked, smirking to think of old Vincent doing his thing with little Kadaj in tow.

"No, before he dropped me off he told me to tell you he said thank you," Kadaj told him. He gave Reno an almost shy smile and added, "I guess I entertained him. At least, he said it was never boring with me around."

Reno's brows shot up, he couldn't have been more shocked if Kadaj told him that Vincent liked to wear pink underwear and ride ponies. Admissions of that nature were pretty much the highest compliment old grumpy would ever pay anyone.

"He must've really liked you, kid," Reno said, finishing his smoke.

Kadaj shrugged, the movement lithe and graceful. He hadn't lost that air of unsuppressed, ferocious sexuality but it was different now, more a part of who he was as opposed to _what_ he was. Reno wasn't really sure which was worse.

"I think I helped him, too," was all Kadaj said. "Vincent never lets a debt go unpaid."

Reno nodded, waiting for the youth to ask, wondering how he could possibly answer him.

"And Cloud?" he finally inquired, sudden doubt in his feline green eyes. "Is he…is he happy?"

"I'm not sure," Reno said. "I don't think so. The baby, Zax, he's gonna be a year old soon—spitting image of Cloud but with black hair. Cute little thing, if you like larvae. Cloud spends a lot of time with Tifa and the kids but he's not altogether there, yo."

Kadaj tilted his head, not understanding.

"Tifa knows Cloud, she says he's waiting, yo," Reno told him. "Prolly waiting for you to come home."

Kadaj looked faintly shocked, as if it hadn't occurred to him that Cloud might wait.

"But he said he didn't want to talk to me or see me again," he protested. "What on earth would he be waiting on _me_ for?"

"He's a dipshit, yo," Reno smirked, clapping Kadaj on his firm little shoulder and pushing him towards the kitchen. "The day after you left he was here asking after you."

"What?" Kadaj asked, plopping down on the barstool, utterly shocked.

"Reno wasn't very kind to him," Yazoo said, busily cooking but pausing long enough to give his lover a swift, affectionate kiss.

"He wanted to see me?" Kadaj whispered.

"He wanted you to come home," Reno informed him, snagging a bit of cooked chicken and getting his fingers smacked in the process. He looked at Kadaj with those piercing, knowing, but utterly happy blue eyes and asked, "So, whatcha gonna do, yo?"

Kadaj frowned, shrugging helplessly, and said, "I guess I'll take the best advice I've ever been given—even if it was given by a sloppy, sleazy manwhore."

Reno grinned, winking at Yazoo and saying, "Yeah, that's _me_, yo."

"I just won't take no for an answer," Kadaj said, and gave them both a brilliant smile.


	18. Don't Take No For An Answer

Cloud sighed as he parked his _Fenrir_ in its usual spot, dismounting with a fluid, practiced grace and absently adjusting his sword at his back as he did so. He'd spent the day doing local deliveries, pleased that his business was picking up, glad to hear from Loz—who had gone off last spring after Tifa had taken the bar back over. He'd been disappointed to find out that the man had not heard from Kadaj and that Yazoo had nothing to report. Still, it was good to know that the strangely sensitive muscle-head was dong well for himself extending Cloud's business elsewhere.

After the local deliveries he'd gone to Seventh Heaven and spent some time with Zax, watching him toddle around on his fat little baby legs. It hurt to hear the little boy call Rude "da-da," but for some reason he'd taken to calling Cloud "ba-ba" and that made him smile—even though Tifa joked that Zax had come to associate Cloud with the bottle feedings he gave him and was, in fact, asking politely for some milk.

He went up the stairs and twisted the handle, nearly shoving the door off of its hinges with his weight when it didn't swing open as usual.

"What the…"

Confused, he twisted the handle again—locked.

His heart started pounding and he looked wildly around for any sign of strange vehicles, for any sign of Kadaj's bike.

With trembling hands, he fumbled his key out and unlocked the door, letting it swing wide, eyes huge.

Lights were on, but there was no noise. Cautiously, Cloud closed and locked the door behind him, making his way down the hallway towards the livingroom.

His breath came out of him in a rush when he saw a familiar, lithe little figure sitting negligently on the couch, legs crossed and foot tapping, long-fingered hands holding open a book.

He didn't even look up at Cloud, merely said, "You left the door unlocked. That was dangerous."

"Kadaj…"

He looked up, those feline eyes so beautiful, the pale jade color a perfect compliment to the spill of his silver hair and the pink of his full, lush lips.

Stupidly, Cloud said the first thing that came to mind, "What are you doing here?"

He mentally kicked himself the moment he said it, expecting the boy to scowl at him and then storm out, reassured that Cloud didn't want to see him. But that delicate, heart-shaped face only tilted, amusement filling one exposed, jade eye, and he merely, laughingly said, "What are you talking about, I live here."

Cloud stared at him in mute shock, not understanding the change in his little lover.

Kadaj stood and walked over to him. It was the same strutting walk he'd always had, but it lacked the overdone ferocity of before when Kadaj was making up with sensuality what he lacked in confidence. The confidence, however, made his walk that much more distracting, the barely concealed sexuality a world of enticing promise.

"Aren't you going to say hello?" Kadaj asked, looking up at him a little.

Cloud noticed with a start that Kadaj was taller—nearly as tall as his own rather petite five nine, and he had a sharper, somehow _harder_ look about him. He was no longer the baby, no longer a little boy. A young man stood before Cloud, one hand resting lazily on the hilt of his weapon out of habit, a slight smile on his full lips. Again that head tilted, no sign of distress on his smooth, slim face, just a strange sort of patience that Cloud had never seen before.

"I…" he lowered his eyes from that beautiful, beloved face, ashamed of himself and what he'd done to this precious young creature he so loved. "I've missed you, Kadaj."

"I should certainly hope so," came the quick reply. "I was gone a rather long time, Cloud. They said…they said you were waiting for me to come home."

Cloud's head lifted, giving him the look of a scolded dog. Softly, he said, "Of course I was…I…I love you, Kadaj—how could I not wait?"

Kadaj smiled at him, but didn't reply.

Sighing a little, he turned away and stripped off the _souba_, placing it gently down against the couch and sitting on the arm, long legs crossed at the ankles and arms braced at his sides.

"I've moved all my things back in," he said.

Cloud blinked at him, a little taken aback by this turn of events, but roused himself enough to say, "Good, I'm glad."

Kadaj laughed lightly and said, "I would've, even if you told me not to, Cloud. I simply won't take no for an answer anymore."

Cloud stared at him, startled, sensing that Kadaj was no longer the somewhat temper-ridden, rather insane, and easily swayed boy that he had been. Kadaj was going to give him a run for his money. Cloud would have to stay on his best game to keep the tables from turning on himself. Warily, he moved closer to that oddly changed but utterly enticing creature and softly inquired, "Where have you been?"

Kadaj sighed, giving him a smirk, and answered, "It doesn't really matter. What matters is that I came back."

"Will you stay?" Cloud asked, heart thundering. Never one to be good with words, it took all he had to ask such a thing—too much of himself hinged on the answer and he felt himself tense, suddenly afraid.

Kadaj smiled, tipping his head back so that all that glorious silver hair fell back, both his eyes glittering like jewels from the perfection of his face.

"If you want me to," he answered. "And if you don't…well, I'm staying anyway."

Weak with relief, Cloud hesitantly made his way to Kadaj, standing over him to gently cup his face and seeing with no little regret that Kadaj was no needy child anymore. Here in his grasp was a young man who could care for himself, someone to be an equal, a partner and not a coddled pet.

"Can you forgive me?" he whispered, as wracked by guilt now as he ever was.

Kadaj shrugged, leaning into his hand a little, and said, "I can, but it won't matter if you don't forgive yourself—I learned that the hard way."

Once again Cloud wondered where he'd been and how he'd gotten by, what events had transpired that had changed him so much.

"Can't you just be happy to see me?" Kadaj teased, covering that hand with his own. There was a sadness to him that didn't escape Cloud's notice, but there was also tranquility that calmed him. A place had grown up inside of his little Kadaj, all secretive and silent, a place all his own that he kept to himself and filled with his private thoughts and deeds. That he was kept from it bothered Cloud, but everyone had their own darkness, everyone had their own walled-away soul that no one was ever allowed to see or touch. Kadaj hadn't had such before, everything had shown on him, everything was spilled from him like blood from a wound. This silent reserve added a new dimension of mystery to his precious love, and Cloud found himself ruefully intrigued.

"Will you ever tell me about it?" he asked.

"Maybe," Kadaj said. "If it seems important enough."

He fluttered his lashes up at Cloud, a lazy and sensual movement that brought the shattered pieces of their intimacy back together in a heartbeat.

"Come on," Kadaj said, grasping his hand and standing, the supple length of his lean body fitting up perfectly to Cloud's. "Welcome me home."

Cloud smiled at him, his first true smile in so long. Squeezing those strong little fingers tight, he pulled Kadaj into his embrace and led him to their bedroom in silence.


	19. Forgiven!

A/N: As promised in the summary, all the bondage, D/s, H/C, and anal I could fit into a chapter…_My_ style, yo.

* * *

Cloud could hardly fathom that it had been so simple. Kadaj hadn't even asked for an explanation or anything—he'd just taken Cloud by the hand and told him to welcome him home.

No problem there, Cloud hadn't touched anyone since he'd last had Kadaj, not even himself—if he'd been any happier to see his little lover, he wasn't sure how else he could show it.

"I missed you, Cloud," Kadaj sighed, melting into his embrace next to the bed, that lush little mouth pressing to his.

Cloud gripped him close, plunging his tongue into that wet, sweet mouth, feeling the beast uncurl from its long slumber, drawn by the nearness of its chosen prey. Kadaj arched slowly up against him, so lean and lithe in that strangely familiar leather outfit he was wearing. Little hands worked at his sword harness, unbuckling the strap to his shoulder-guard and the strap that held the half-cloak to him. And all the while that hot mouth was working magic on him, drawing his breath out as if Kadaj could suck him deep and devour him. The hunger in his kiss made Cloud growl low in his throat, the sleepy rumble of the beast awakening.

"God, I've missed being with you," Kadaj whispered, pressing desperate, wet kisses to his jaw and throat. "All I could think about when I was gone were those little purrs of yours, the way your eyes are pure blue when you cum, the way your body moves when you fuck me…"

Cloud drew a ragged breath, achingly hard now, unresisting when Kadaj knelt and pulled off his shoes and socks, shoving his sword harness down and off along with the top of the half-cloak. He jerked open the belt at Cloud's waist and dropped it with the remainder of the cloak, the belt that held his loose pants closed his next target.

"Kadaj," Cloud whispered, touching him while he did these things, caressing his soft hair, the curve of his lean cheek, the length of that beautiful, swan-like neck he wanted to bite.

His sweater was unzipped and dropped, and then Kadaj was drawing off his gloves, sucking on his fingers and using his hot tongue in ways that made Cloud whimper as the youth unlaced his leather vambrace and let it drop. And still he managed to somehow elude Cloud's hands, only allowing him the briefest of touches before he was moving again, this time to pick up Cloud's discarded harness.

"I've always been curious," he thoughtfully said, looking at it and letting the leather spill through his fingers. "How do you sheath those swords and not cut right through it?"

"It's been treated," Cloud said, thrown by the change of subject. "Made of mako-altered animals."

"Ah," Kadaj said, smiling softly and nodding a little. "So…it's not going to break, is it?"

"What?" Cloud asked, genuinely confused.

He wasn't prepared for the younger man's sudden movement and, even if he had been, Kadaj had always been fast as a striking snake—that he was even faster now told Cloud something of what he'd been up to, but his thoughts were more focused on the fact that Kadaj had expertly and easily trapped both of his wrists in the leather of his harness. And, somehow, struggling only caused it to draw tighter.

"What are you doing?" he growled, anger welling up in him.

"You didn't think I would let you off _that_ easy, did you?" Kadaj purred, and put a knee in his stomach that merely made him drop to the bed, not enough pressure to actually _hurt_.

Cloud bared his teeth and saw Kadaj smile with satisfaction when the beast came to full wakefulness, flooding his mako-blue eyes with darkness and filling him with breathless, eager anticipation. The bonds only served to make him wilder, the nearness of Kadaj a bait he simply couldn't resist—that this sweet, favorite meat had somehow managed to gain the upper hand only added spice to the pot, leaving him purring lowly and watching every movement of that youth with narrowed, hungry eyes.

"I have yet to hear you apologize," Kadaj informed him, unlacing the leather coat he wore, shucking off the shoulder-guards and gauntlets and dropping them carelessly to the floor along with Cloud's own clothing. "I have yet to see any sort of _real_ regret for what you put me through…_brother_."

Cloud scowled, but watching that lean, muscled body being slowly revealed was like slowly unwrapping a delicious, forbidden piece of candy. His gut tightened and his cock twitched, watching Kadaj reveal that creamy white skin, dropping his coat to the floor with a flourish. Standing before Cloud in boots and pants that looked like they'd been painted on, Kadaj shifted all of his weight to one hip and sighed, "Now, apologize."

Cloud stubbornly stayed silent. He would have apologized until the stars fell if not for this tactic—now it was a battle of wills, and Cloud could be stubborn like nobodies business.

"No?" Kadaj asked, sounding amused. He straddled Cloud, pushing those bound hands up to his chest, settling lightly against the pulsing thickness of his swollen cock beneath the tented material of his cargo pants. "Maybe I should play your guilt a little."

He captured Cloud's bound wrists and grazed his clenched knuckles over one pink, pert little nipple, the perfection of which was narrowly missed by a long, thin scar. Kadaj drew those knuckles down the scar and murmured, "This one hurt—I wasn't exactly alert when it happened, too busy moping, I was told."

Frustrated, Cloud tried to draw back, wriggling beneath that light body because Kadaj had started slowly rocking, rubbing against him.

"This one," his hands were drawn to that flat, hard belly and the seam of a scar that was surprisingly like Cloud's own. "I got for not paying attention again—even when you weren't with me, you managed to hurt me, Cloud. Still not going to apologize?"

His bound hands were lowered to brush down the bulge straining up in Kadaj's pants, cruelly bound behind all that tight leather. Kadaj caught his breath a little and sighed, "It's been a long time, Cloud."

Cloud hoped like hell it _had_ been—the thought of anyone else touching Kadaj made his blood boil. A harsh snarl worked its way out of his throat, the beast inside him ready to _murder_ over the idea of Kadaj sharing himself with anyone else.

Suddenly, Kadaj levered himself out of Cloud's lap and pushed him back on the bed. When Cloud tried to sit up he was not-so-gently pushed back down and urged to stay there with a hard, stinging slap to his face.

Kadaj fought his struggles and unfastened his pants, hauling them down his wriggling hips and flinging them away.

"You really have a lot of nerve, thinking I've not changed," Kadaj observed, picking up Cloud's vambrace and pulling the lacing free, drawing the long, thin string of leather out. He sauntered back to Cloud and hauled his body up the bed, managing to fasten his wrists to the headboard without losing control of him in the process. "You have a lot of nerve not falling at my feet and begging for forgiveness."

Even though it was true, Cloud fought furiously to hear it, angry to be brought to this point, even angrier that Kadaj would choose such a way to manipulate him.

"Such a fit you're throwing, Cloud," Kadaj scolded, his voice low and amused as he fished Cloud's belts from the floor. "If you can't behave, I'll have to keep you tied up."

Cloud didn't come close to winning the struggle for his ankle—Kadaj made short work of tethering both of his legs to the end of the bed, the belts gripping tight but giving enough play to allow him relative freedom of movement.

"I'm _still_ not hearing anything," Kadaj said, his voice a sing-song lilt. He shed the rest of his own clothing and, twining that string around his fingers, crawled up between Cloud's legs.

Cloud jerked at the feel of Kadaj's hot breath on the delicate skin of his inner thigh, a flinching that unnerved him. Seconds later his hot, wet tongue trailed up to lave Cloud's aching balls, making him moan lowly, eyes squeezing closed and mouth falling open. When Kadaj sucked his balls into his mouth Cloud's cock bounced in a hard spasm, slapping wetly back down on his belly in a little puddle of dribbling precum.

"I want to hear it, Cloud—I want the truth of it," Kadaj sighed, nibbling his way up the fat, throbbing length of Cloud's cock, holding down the singing tension in his lean, quivering hips. When his lips neared the tip another spasm hit his lover, pulsing his cock up to meet Kadaj's wet tongue. Kadaj sighed a little in bliss and laved that straining, swollen head, lapping away the precum, giving him a gentle nibble before letting that sweet, full meat fall back down on his belly.

He sat up between Cloud's spread legs and gave him a smirk, sighing, "Well, we can do this as long as you want, Cloud." He played with that leather string, smiling secretively. "We don't stop until you tell me you're sorry."

So saying, he gripped the base of Cloud's cock and wrapped that leather string snugly around him, drawing cock and balls tightly into a ring of leather that trapped blood from escaping and kept him from shooting his load.

And Cloud was madly, breathlessly thankful because as soon as he'd understood what Kadaj meant to do with that string, he'd very nearly shot his load.

"There now," Kadaj said, satisfied with his handiwork. He gave Cloud a few experimental strokes, smirking when Cloud's hips arched off of the bed and he moaned raggedly. That only led him to a few rough slaps that sent Cloud's dribbling cock twitching madly in response, his head thrown back and his teeth clenched. Kadaj slapped him a few more times, cooing to see that thready, opaque precum welling helplessly from his tip. He alternated with a deep-throating suck, fingernails lightly scratching at the full, enticing bulge of his balls.

Cloud thrust into his mouth, cursing softly, sweating, but still not saying it.

He wanted to cum, could feel the bursting pressure of it damming behind that leather string which his pulsing flesh had swollen over. That mouth was so good, so hot and wet and skillful. He didn't know that his purrs and whimpers were just as good for Kadaj, that every tightening pull of his lean body made the younger man want to give up this pretense of punishment and simply fall into his arms.

Panting, Kadaj lifted his mouth, lapping up the precum slowly before Cloud's wide, sparkling eyes.

"Do you want me?"

"Yes!" Cloud moaned, straining against his bonds.

"Do you love me?"

"More than anything!" he harshly panted, the sound ragged and strained.

"Apologize to me," Kadaj urged him, playfully biting his thighs until Cloud's body jumped beneath his teeth.

"I'm sorry," he ground out, teeth clenched.

Kadaj laughed lightly, amused, and said, "Oh, Cloud, you say that to _everybody_. No, I want an apology just for me…"

He straddled Cloud and slowly sank down on his rearing, strutted sex, eyes fastened to Cloud's and a low, soft sigh of contentment coming from his softly parted lips.

Cloud whimpered beneath him, crying out harshly when Kadaj settled fully on him and rocked backwards, pressing against the painful bulge of his balls. His back arched hard, lifting the smaller man, but his restrained ankles kept the movement contained.

"Oh, Cloud, I missed having your cock inside me," Kadaj moaned, caressing his own soft skin, drawing his hands through his hair and down his slender neck, over his well-formed chest and down his smooth sides, slipping down his belly to pull up on his own hard cock with one hand, the other lifting his balls for a soft squeeze that made him clench.

"Oh god," Cloud breathed, hips rocking, working towards an orgasm he wasn't going to get until Kadaj damned-well felt like giving it to him.

Kadaj spread his legs a little, leaning forward to brace one hand on Cloud's wildly caving belly, and started a slow, steady rhythm that fit what he needed—Cloud's heavy, thick cock slow and deep inside him, that excruciating feeling of his swollen head bumping Kadaj's sweet spot. He tightened quickly, moaning, giving himself a few gentle tugs to torture his lover.

"Tell me," he moaned, working towards his orgasm, Cloud's twitching cock drooling precum inside him, so much that he was wet with it. "Tell me that you're sorry. Tell me what I want to hear."

Cloud ground up against him, eyes wild, pulse pounding because it felt so fucking _incredible_ that he still couldn't believe it was happening. His Kadaj, his baby, his beautiful and matchless lover, right here in his bed, riding him like a wild creature hell-bent on release.

"Kadaj," he moaned, fighting the bonds because he wanted to hold him, to touch him, to dig his fingers into that firm flesh and pull on that silky hair, to crush that mouth with kisses and devour him, cum all over him, mark him indelibly as _his_.

"Say it," the younger man urged, reaching back to touch the knot that held Cloud from what he wanted, his other hand roughly fisting his cock—left-handed. "Say it, Cloud—give me what I want."

Cloud gazed at him and said what the beast inside him had already asked numerous times over the last long, lonely year.

"How did I live without you?"

Kadaj cried out, jerking the knot free as he clenched in an orgasm that bowed his back, every muscle tightening to snapping point like he'd been jolted with electricity. Cum spurted out over his pumping hand, coating Cloud's belly and chest with milky, viscous heat.

That knot released him and Cloud snarled loudly with an aching, blinding orgasm, hips pumping madly and body going rigid in a spasm that fell into hard shudders and abortive, twitching jerks to escape the agonizing pleasure of it. His lean body bucked and slumped beneath Kadaj, working the climax to its sweet, throbbing fullness.

He struggled for breath, fully aware that the blood rush of that amazing orgasm had very nearly caused him to black out. His body ached, his muscles complaining of abuse, his wrists chafing in the leather harness and his ankles clenched tight by the belts. But he'd never felt so complete, never felt so amazing, and the beast was full within him, purring and content.

Kadaj panted softly atop him, still wracked by the occasional shiver. His lowered silver head lifted, green eyes meeting Cloud's with amusement and overwhelming love.

"Took you long enough, you moron," he softly said, flicking his tongue over his teeth in a very feline way. "One more second and I'd have had to pull the knot anyway."

Cloud grinned at him, amazed at how easily it came.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked, repeating his earlier question.

Kadaj smiled and gingerly lifted himself off of Cloud's softening erection, gently moving to release the bonds that held him.

"What's to forgive, Cloud?" he asked, freeing his hands after he'd finished with his ankles. "I saw some things while I was gone that turned our fight into a petty, inconsequential disagreement. I knew that if I made it back to you in one piece, I wouldn't allow any protests of yours to stop me if I thought for one second you wanted me back."

Cloud sat up, drawing that slender, scarred little creature into his arms, feeling the changes wrought by a year of separation and wishing like hell it hadn't taken so long to reconcile with his lover.

"I never meant to hurt you," he murmured, kissing Kadaj with newfound respect, with something bordering on awe because his baby had grown up and grown up well.

"No one ever _means_ to hurt someone else," Kadaj said. "Sometimes it just happens. You were right about me being a child, Cloud—I'm sorry for the things I put you through before I left. I would be mad at you for what you did except it all seems so meaningless now, after all I've seen."

He wrapped his arms around Cloud's neck and sighed, "It's enough that we love one another and take care of one another, isn't it?"

Cloud smiled, wrapping himself in the warmth of his little lover. Explanations would come, he was sure of it—but Kadaj's strength gave him hope that nothing would ever rend them apart again. He had so much to tell him, so many things he probably could never find the words to say, but it didn't matter.

As long as they were together, Cloud could always just show him.

"I love you," he whispered, closing his eyes and squeezing Kadaj tight.

Kadaj fit to him like a puzzle piece, warm and scarred but solid and real as anything, his dream come true.

"I love you, too."

All sins forgiven.

* * *

Do you think _this_ is the end? Should it be?...Nah, I'm having too much fun!


	20. Dirge of Cerberus

_I can do this now—and I'm going to make sure that I can _always_ do this_…

Cloud slipped his arm beneath Kadaj's, bending it up to grip his slender throat, turning that delicate head away so he could plant a soft kiss on the sweet skin of his neck.

Kadaj sighed and reached back to rub his flank, fingers tangling in the folds of Cloud's half-cloak. He didn't giggle or squeal or make any of the cute little noises he used to, but the sigh was eloquent of desire and affection, it made Cloud's heart ache.

"I love you," he murmured, letting go of Kadaj's throat to simply hold his slim hips, leaning into his back, nuzzling his ear. "I love you…"

"I love you, too," Kadaj whispered, twisting a little to smile at him over his shoulder. "There were so many things that happened…"

Cloud's face was suddenly, frighteningly open, his blue eyes soft and haunted.

"You don't have to tell me."

Kadaj nodded, looking back out of the window where the two of them were standing.

"He's a good man, the one who took care of me."

He felt Cloud's grip change, felt a conscious effort in his lover to _not_ hold tight, to _not_ betray jealousy or even hurt. Trying so hard to stay neutral, to _trust_.

"We never—" Kadaj began.

"Don't," Cloud interrupted, and took a steadying breath. "I trust you, Kadaj."

Those hands relaxed on his hips.

"Tell me about your son," Kadaj said, deciding to change the subject. His time with Vincent was too dear to him, the scars not yet scabbed, the wounds and wins still too fresh. He would let it settle within him, let the memories mellow with time until he could speak of his mentor without tears choking his voice—Vincent deserved that much.

"He's perfect," Cloud said, a tremulous, aching pride in his voice. "I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life."

"Do you get to see him much?" Kadaj inquired.

Cloud shifted behind him, strong arms sliding around to embrace him, drawing him back into the warmth of his muscled body.

"As often as I can…Tifa and Rude are his _parents_, though they don't hide that I'm his _father_," Cloud told him, his voice soft and somehow sad. He rested his chin on Kadaj's shoulder and sighed a little. "He's…_amazing_. I can't even fathom that some day he might grow to be my size, might fight monsters or change the world. He's so tiny and fragile."

"Be a good father to him," Kadaj suddenly said, emphatic. "Fathers are so important to sons…"

"Kadaj?" Cloud softly inquired, rocking him a little. "Are you alright?"

Kadaj shook his head a little and when he spoke his voice wavered, sounding strangely close to tears, "Make sure he has good memories of you, Cloud. You don't want him to be almost grown before he has a father to love."

"He has _two_ fathers to love," Cloud reminded. "_Thankfully_. As awful as I am with people…well, it's good that Rude is so wonderful to him."

Kadaj leaned his head against the dusty glass, looking out at a world swiftly moving towards winter.

"Kadaj…" Cloud gently said, squeezing him a little, pressing his cheek against his little lover's. "What are you thinking of?"

"How strange it all is," the youth replied, sighing a little. "Love, death, losing some things and gaining others. Every joy requires sacrifice, doesn't it? There are so many things I want to tell you, but none of it matters."

"It matters to _me_," Cloud said, that stubborn thread in his voice. He hugged Kadaj again and ruefully said, "You've _changed_. I've missed you so much."

Realizing he'd become nearly as maudlin as Vincent, Kadaj turned away from the window in Cloud's loosened embrace and kissed his pretty lover on his perfect rosebud mouth.

Here was joy he'd already sacrificed for, something that no one could ever take from him again. No argument, no hurt, no temper tantrums—none of it would ever separate Kadaj from Cloud again.

"I love you so much, Cloud—I thought of you every day," he said, smiling to realize that he hardly had to look up to Cloud anymore, they were very nearly of a height. "Every day."

Those fantastic blue eyes swept closed, a coy, slow blink that Cloud clearly did not know the full affect of. Lush lashes settled on perfectly white cheeks before slowly lifting again as a soft, slight smile curved that beautiful feline mouth.

"I would have waited forever," he whispered.

Kadaj smiled, moved by his admission.

"Luckily for you I don't have that kind of patience," the younger man said, laughing a little.

Cloud's phone started ringing, making his pretty China-doll face break into a scowl. Kadaj dropped his hand to let him answer, watching the man wordlessly flip the phone open. He merely said, "Okay. See you," before he hung up.

Kadaj lifted his eyebrows, curious.

"Tifa," Cloud said, his face solemn again. "She heard you were home. She wants us to come to the bar before opening time—so you can meet Zax."

"Alright," Kadaj mildly said, searching himself to see if he harbored any hidden fears, insecurities, or rage where Tifa was concerned. Oddly enough, there was nothing.

Cloud put him double on the _Fenrir_, seating Kadaj in front of him to half-lie in the hollow of his body, his slim legs folded over Cloud's and his arms clutching the sides of the purring machine. It was comfortable, Cloud's warm weight over his back, shielding him from the punishing wind.

They made it to Seventh Heaven and Cloud parked in his normal spot, pulling Kadaj along behind him.

They entered to the sound of shrieks and laughter—Marlene was chasing a tottering baby past the door, snatching him up before he fell on his face.

"Cloud! You came!" Tifa called, leaving her work behind the bar and coming to give him a smile, always aware that gestures of affection made him slightly more than uncomfortable. Even now he shifted, uneasy near her.

"Kadaj," Tifa said, including him in her welcome while Marlene hefted the baby, both of them giggling. "You look good."

"Thank you," Kadaj murmured, remembering the last time he had seen her—her chocolate brown eyes had been shooting venomous sparks at Cloud, furious with him for being so mean. "You haven't changed, Tifa."

If anything, she looked radiant, motherhood clearly agreeing with her. The only sign that she'd _had_ a baby was the impressive swell of her breasts, even more improbably large than they had been.

She glowed with his compliment, and bent to lift the baby from Marlene, who gave Kadaj a bashful look and went to cling to Cloud's free hand, eyes large and shy.

"And _this_ little monster is Zax," Tifa announced, kissing his round little face until he shrieked, kicking wildly. The baby strained in her embrace and flailed for Cloud, saying with emphatic excitement, "Ba, ba, _ba_!"

"Yes, your 'bottle' is here," Tifa laughed, hefting him at Cloud. "He just ate, though, so don't go hunting up a bottle for him."

"Ba!" the baby said again, and Kadaj felt a silly smile cross his lips to see Cloud's solemn, haunted face transformed by infancy into innocence and pure joy. The man showed no uneasiness holding his son, letting little fists yank on a sheaf of blond hair until he winced.

"Be nice, Zax," Tifa said, absently rubbing Marlene's head. She moved back behind the bar to finish up, conversationally saying, "I heard you left town with some mysterious hero, Kadaj—Reno won't say a word, contrary to his usual habits, and Yazoo just says he couldn't imagine how it would be his business to tell."

Kadaj followed Cloud further into the bar, noticing how the man gently responded to Marlene's endless questions.

"He is a hero," Kadaj told her, sitting at the bar. "But until he talks about it..."

"Secretive," Tifa sighed, rolling her eyes.

A buzzer went off and she asked, "Marlene, could you get that? Just toss them in the dryer, please."

"How long will Barrett be gone?" Cloud asked, sitting Zax on the bar, constantly foiling his escape attempts with absent, easy grace.

"He didn't say," Tifa sighed, racking some glasses together and sitting them on the shelf below the bar. "He's been gone for weeks…I don't know what Marlene would do if Rude wasn't so sweet to her."

Her eyes changed when she spoke of her husband, softening with emotion.

"He really is a good man," she declared, shaking it off and continuing with her chores. "I wish Loz would come back, I could use the help."

"He called not long ago," Cloud put in, his solemn face maintaining its serenity when Zax chirped, "Brp?" and spat up all over him.

"That must be his code-word," Tifa observed, snatching him up to wipe his face with a wet towel. "He always says, 'Brp' before he spits up."

Cloud looked down at his defiled sweater with absent distaste, and mopped at the curdled mess with a napkin from the bar.

"Ma!" the boy howled, face turning red with anger. He squealed and fought the cleaning, falling into a wailing fit of temper.

"Fine, be yucky," Tifa sighed, letting him go. The fit ended abruptly and the baby scooted closer to Cloud, babbling happily. "What did he say?"

"Business was good, that he was worried about Kadaj. That Yazoo had been keeping him up to date," Cloud said, keeping a wary ear turned to his son.

Marlene came back and settled next to Cloud, playing with the baby, who was delighted by the attention. Kadaj watched, feeling apart from it, not really needed in this domestic scene.

"I'll give him a call," Kadaj murmured, startled when Zax came scooting down the bar to him, Cloud's protective arm shielding him from a nasty fall.

He really was a beautiful child, the spitting image of Cloud but with black, black hair like Tifa's—already sticking up in sixty different directions, just like his father's. Those beautiful blue eyes didn't have Cloud's mako-glow, but there was a sheen to them that wasn't quite normal—the effects of having a mako-enhanced father.

The baby burbled at him and Kadaj lifted a silver brow, warning, "Don't you _dare_."

"Brp?"

Kadaj turned him sideways and the spit-up hit the bar, the baby choking a little on it, a pathetic little cough moving Kadaj to pat his back.

"—so I hit him in the face with the lead pipe and that pretty much ended it, yo."

The door clanged noisily when Reno and Rude came in, clearly off of work for the day.

"Tifa! Looking _good_!" Reno leered, plopping down next to Kadaj and giving him the traditional, "Kook."

"Hussy."

"You're home early!" Tifa said, and couldn't have sounded more pleased. She dried her hands and hugged her stiffly formal husband.

"Get me a shot, baby, will you?" Reno complained, and pulled a face at the spit-up, tossing a napkin to cover it. "It's been a long goddamned day."

"Language," Tifa warned, fetching the requested shot.

"Oh yeah," Reno sheepishly said, and turned to Marlene with a condescending, "_Run along_."

"Stop that," Tifa scolded.

"Meanie," Marlene said, irritated.

Zax made for Reno but Kadaj held him fast, correct in assuming that the man wasn't exactly fond of children.

"Why are _you_ so sassy?" Kadaj asked, handing Zax back to Cloud, who tried snuggling him—better luck snuggling a wild chocobo, the baby wasn't having it.

"Reno is thirty today," Rude said, his low, slow voice surprisingly deep. A smirk lingered around his lips.

"That's not true, yo!" Reno snapped, downing the shot and wiping his lips with the back of his hand. "I'll be _twenty-nine_ in a few _days_. _That's_ _not_ _thirty_."

Kadaj laughed, shocked. He'd never really thought about how old Reno must be, but he seemed so young and so close to Yazoo in age…still, Yazoo _was_ twenty-four.

"Rude can't talk, he's thirty-two," Tifa teased, gathering Zax back up and snuggling him which, in the fickle manner of babies, he allowed.

Reno switched on the television, not liking the conversation.

Kadaj idly listened to the Special Report, not really paying attention until he heard ShinRa mentioned. Startled, he focused on what was being said, heart pounding as more pieces fell into place.

Everyone jumped a little when he surged to his feet, his strangled voice saying in utter, despairing fear, "Vincent!"


End file.
